Anxiety Wave

Right now, at this very moment I'm fine and content but it's because I'm not sleeping it's 3:57am and I'm up snuggling cats and blogging instead of sleeping. I know that's not normal. I know that especially since I have a bad infection in my body and I have taken some nighttime cold medicine, I should be in snoozey town. But I'm not because today I had a panic surge. That's the best way I can describe it . I do have anxiety and panic attacks and usually they come on quickly and go away just as fast leaving the shell of shaken me behind. What happened today, which does, on occasion happen to me, is I get stuck. I feel it coming on days before. I'm cranky which is not typically my personality. I'm
easily offended which is my personality but not this extreme but then it's like I can feel it building and I know something is going to happen and I will be powerless to stop it.

In these times I mainly just hope so much that I don't hurt those I love because I'm a feisty girl already and when I'm grumpy I can hurt feelings. I hope that those who love me know that I honestly try my best to hold up the crumbling dam that is my I don't know sanity? comfort zone? kindness? I'm not sure what I'll loose if I let it crumble but I'm doing my best to fight my anxiety. If you have invited me to things and I don't come I'm sorry. Sometimes my anxiety wins and sometimes my cats are way cuter then drunk people. But, that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate every invite. I do. and I hope someday to be able to go hang out with coworkers other then my few that I always have.

I don't know why I'm writing this. It's 4 am and I'm melancholy but I'll get a start on my day and I'll see my hubby off to work and then who are we kidding I'll probably nap and my anxiety has likely just ruined my sleeping pattern. GRRRR. Lol. I hope all is well with all my lovely people almost as much as I hope that one of you won the lottery! :)