Things that won't stop me.

I have always been someone who believes that bad things can happen to you but you control how you react and respond to those bad things. You control whether it makes you a better person or makes you an angry person. So I personally have decided to write down all the things that won't stop me from being happy. I will enjoy my life even though. I had a rough childhood that included abuse and other very bad things. I have had a million allergies my whole life and I just keep getting more. I am currently allergic to, mold, chocolate, whole grains, artificial sweeteners (like all of them), down, cats, dogs, hay, pollen, bees, any medication related to codeine ( which is most pain meds. I'm allergic to the adhesive in medical tape or bandages. I get chemical burns. I can't cut tomatoes or potatoes without my hands swelling up like balloons. There is probably more that I'm forgetting. Thankfully my husband never forgets.

On top of allergies I have bad lungs which means I have horrible asthma and chronic bronchitis and pneumonia. I also have tendonitis in my wrists and ankles. I have long ligaments which means I have loose joints which means it's really easy for me to sprain or dislocate all of my joints. I have arthritis in my hips. I've had my rotator cuff fixed and a tumor removed from my spine. I have chronic migraines and kidney stones. I'm overweight and have a horrible immune system.

All of that is to overwhelming to most people. However, it could be much worse. For every one of those bad things I have to deal with everyday of my life I have a thousand blessings that I get to deal with everyday. I chose to be happy. Yes, sometimes it's hard. I deal with pain everyday of my life which could wear a person down. But I choose to be happy. I l now I can deal with these things and life a long fulfilling life. We choose to be miserable or focus on the happy. So, just focus on the happy.

Yes, I understand that some people have depression or anxiety. I myself have a panic disorder so I am not always happy and positive but the point is I try. I won't stop trying and these things won't stop me.

Why I suck in January.

January is a hard month for a lot of people. It's right after the holidays so you are missing any loved ones who were missing from your holiday celebration. It's still cold and wet. (At least where I live) and the next holiday you have to look forward to is Valentine's Day. Which I have always loved but I think I'm in the minority. So, January is hard for most people. For me, January is awful with one bright spot.

Several years ago my family took in my brothers best friend, Sean. He lived with us for a long time until he was old enough to join the army and head off to basic. Sean was like a third brother. Then one January he came down from Ft. Lewis to visit my brother for his birthday. They had a great time spent it with friends doing what they always did. Then we got a call that Sean never showed up back in Washington. We all searched for him. Then we found out....

Sean had committed suicide. It was one of the most difficult things my family has been through. It still hurts to think about the funeral or when we found out or when the chaplain came. We luckily had a lot of support but every January my family kind of goes through a collective depression. Then a few year ago another person we loved passed away in January. It brought back all the memories.

So I always take a week of vacation before my brothers birthday every year so that I can re group and try to give him a great birthday that makes him not think about all the horrible January's we have had before. For some then last year we lost my husband's grandfather right before new years which now means January has turned into a month where I just mourn 90% of the time. So if I'm in a funk this month or bummed out or unnaturally quiet. Please don't push me I'm just taking a moment for my brother and everyone else I've loved who is in heaven.