Speechless

There are very few things in this world that shock me or make me speechless. I feel silly that the thing that has done this is the death of my 92 year old grandpa. People say he was 92 that was a good long life or you had to expect it he was 92. Well sorry to tell you I knew it was a possibility but I never expected it. See I always thought grandpa would live to be 110 at least. I thought he would live long enough to tell my kids stories. But now I have to tell them. I know that he had a bad heart. But he lived through pearl harbor and Normandy I thought nothing could take him down. I told him every night, "I'll see you in the morning." Never thinking that someday that wasn't going to be true. I started out this year with 3 grandparents and I now have none. I can't even begin to process my feelings. We have family staying with us and until everyone leaves and my husband and I have to face the reality of living day to day without him in our home. I don't think I will process this. Right now I feel like it's not my place to cry. I'm surrounded by people who were raised by this man. I've had him on my life only seven years. I remember when I was first dating my husband, Grandpa would call me "the girl with the sweet voice." I tried to convince Luke not to tell him my real name so we could keep that going. He noticed every new outfit or hairdo. He could always be counted on to tell you how "purdy" you were. I being the ham I am would do anything to make him giggle. I'd slowly lean over and bite my husbands arm during dinner just to make grandpa laugh. We loved watching Beavers games together. Grandpa mostly loved it because I was hollering and hopping up and down while they were winning and lying on my face pouting when they were loosing. On gamedays that I worked he'd complain that he wasn't going to be able to tell how the game was going if I wasn't running around the house. I'm going to miss him so much. I'm so scared for when it finally hits me that he's not just gone fishing. I truly feel like I could sit silently in the corner for days. But that's not very me. Maybe I'll watch an old beaver game. Grandpa I miss you.