This is a hard subject for me because I never thought I would be at the weight I am today. I was a little chubby in my adolescent years but I became addicted to exercise and toned up as a teen. I even did some modeling. At this point in my life I worked a paper route every morning and walked at least 2 miles delivering to 2 apartment complexes and one neighborhood. I would go home and do 1,000 sit ups a night. It helped me sleep. I ate healthy and I drank mostly water. I never thought I would get this bad.
It's easy to see someone and judge them. Easy, but not right. The turning point from super healthy teen to gaining weight for me started with a car accident, and then another, and another, and another, and one more. All in 3 years I was in 5 accidents. I wasn't driving in any of them. It was out of my control. I sprained my whole back on one side. Kind of a sideways whiplash from being T-boned. I had a horrible seat-belt injury and had to be monitored for internal bleeding with a different accident. I would just start to get one body part rested enough and I would injure another. I had so much determination to stay healthy but 5 accidents slowly crumbled my wall of strength.
I don't like excuses and I'm not trying to tell excuses. I'm sharing my story. Yes I had a choice I could have risked further injury and continued my workout plan. Yes I could have eaten the healthy choice every time and not the convenient choice. We can always make different choices. However I'm only human. I had days when I was in so much pain I could hardly breathe. I was trying not to use pain medications because addictive behaviors run in my family. I thought I was making the good choices and in some ways I was in others I wasn't.
The first time my doctor told me my weight was affecting my health was a rough day. I have always been the little hyper one in my family. I have always had a lot of allergies and chronic, Ear infections, Strep, and Asthma. But I am Tuff I kept on truckin. I have always been the one who handles stuff in my family and I was loosing control of myself of all things.
There truly is a cycle. I gained weight which caused health issues which would then cause more weight gain. I am ready to tackle this. I'm ready to feel like I am my own age and not an 80 year old fragile woman. My poor family has to try not to treat me as though I'm too fragile or it makes me sad but in truth I am. I have more health issues then I can name.
I am ready to change. I have reached the point where my doctor and I agree that I have tried almost everything. We have kept a food diary and all that told us is that my body can stay fat off of only 750 calories. How is that possible? Well when I get home from work my body will just run out of energy and this isn't just the typical tired after work. This is my body forces sleep and attacks me with pain to let me know how mad it is that I worked hard.
One of my Co-workers frequently tells me I'm either 120% there when I'm at work and trying to do my job plus anything extra I can or else I'm 60% just holding on and trying not to get sent home sick. This as you can imagine is a hard way to live. I want to be 120% everyday. I would love to always be running around keeping busy. And eventually I will.
I have a long journey in front of me. Next Wed I will go in for my intake appt. for Bariatric surgery. We are leaning towards the Gastric sleeve surgery. We have done hours of research online. We have attended an informational class. I have told my boss that I will have lots of dr. appts. and this is why. I have a wonderful support system. Granted, they are worried because I am fragile. but I want my health back. I want to get healthy so I can make happy healthy babies and work a full work schedule and just in general LIVE! I want to get back to thinking about what fun things I can do and not when my next lab or appt is. I kinda have to dive into that world for a while but when I come back out I'll be a whole new me. and won't that be WONDERFUL!
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