Dear Brittany Maynard

Dear Brittany,

I am writing this to thank you. You dear sweet girl are facing the most terrifying thing I can imagine. I have no clue how you must feel. But I hope part of how you feel is proud of yourself. I have always lived here in Oregon so I have given little thought to the death with dignity law. It has always been something that was just a given to me. Selfishly, I never thought about people in other states that don't have this law and you, Brittany, have made me think about it. I hope that you know that I think you are truly one of the most brave people I've ever heard about. You are a soldier fighting a battle you know you can't win but you continue fighting so the battle can end on your terms. That is amazing. I want to thank you, not just for raising awareness for this cause but also for making the world a better place and me a better person. No, we have never met but still you are impacting my life. Reading your story I saw your age and thought, "Wow, she's even younger then I am." I read what all you have done and thought, "I need more adventure." I read how you have only been married a short time, and it made me more thankful for every moment I get with my husband. I see how you want to spend your last days and I just want to hug my family. I think that your affect on people is far more then you could ever grasp. I think that spending even a second doing anything but whatever you want is so selfless because you have so few moments left. Look at you and the time you are spending to raise awareness. It makes anyone who says they don't have time to do good deeds seem ridiculous. Please know that you have so many people praying for you and your family and friends. I pray that you have a smooth passage. When you get to Heaven maybe God will show you how much good you have done. I promise to pay more attention to issues that may not affect me or my family. I promise to cherish my moments more and I promise to remember you! You are truly a hero. You're in my thoughts and prayers! I hope to be even half the blessing you have been to this world. I wish you a calm, safe, comforting passage!

-Tuffy

For anyone who hasn't heard of Brittany Maynard her website is www.thebrittanyfund.org You can learn about her journey, donate, and sign her birthday card!

P.S. Brittany Happy Birthday!

Why I don't smoke.

I know that lots of people smoke and this blog is not meant to offend anyone who does smoke. I'm just sharing the reasons why I choose not to.

- No regrets. I try to live my life with as few regrets as I can. I don't want to be old and wishing things we're different. Now have you ever met a smoker who says I'm so glad I smoke I will never regret this.  Or have you ever seen an old person on their deathbed say I wish I had smoked more. Nope probably not.

- I don't like to go along with things just to fit in. So the peer pressure to smoke thing isn't a valid reason for me because I didn't want to be a sheep following the herd of others. Especially when they were doing something to shorten their lifespan.

- I have bad lungs. I've had pneumonia over 20 times in my life. Starting at a young age. Then in my twenties I developed asthma. So if I have lungs who are already struggling to do their job I'm not gonna poison them while they are doing it.

- I wanted to prove that you can fit in and have a fun and normal life without smoking. I have many friends who smoke and other then me figuring out where to stand so the wind doesn't blow smoke in my face it has always been a non issue.

- The most important reason that I don't smoke is that I love my friends and family and if I died young because of something I chose to do. That would be like me choosing to put them through that pain. I've lost too many people I love to ever put them through that.

I know it's easy for me to say because I never started smoking. Which is true it's so hard to quit but if you could inspire your children to never start in the first place, wouldn't you? I never smoked because I never wanted to have to try and quit. And because I've lost and almost lost several family members to cancer. Some to lung cancer. So I choose to try to live as long as God will let me!

What cancer taught my family

I have had more then my fair share of family members with cancer. I've even had a couple of pre-cancer scares myself. My grandmother and most of her siblings died of cancer. My mother had a rare aggressive type of cancer when I was 13. My baby brother has fought and beat cancer 3 times. Because of all of this we have had a few lessons we picked up along the way.

The first lesson I remember that cancer taught us is pray often and pray together. God may not answer in exactly the way you want but he will hear you. I remember being with my mom and brothers and sitting in a circle praying anytime there was bad news in the family. Be it a death or a diagnosis. It felt good to know that the people around me knew what I was feeling because they felt the same way. It felt good as a group to give our issues over to God. He has a greater plan and even though I miss the people I've lost I know that they are up there watching all my big moments and that is comforting.

Think positively. I know everyone says that and it's hard to do sometimes. I remember the 3rd time my baby brother was diagnosed just sitting on our back porch and crying for hours. So I know it's hard but a good friend of mine came over and he talked to me. He got me thinking positive and it was like a weight was lifted off of me. When my mom was fighting her cancer most of my memories in the hospital were of us laughing. We did anything we could to keep positive. I remember watching her Iv line get an air bubble and we were thinking isn't there not supposed to be air in your veins. My mom said well I guess we'll find out and we watched it go in and laughed when nothing happened. She spent a lot of her recovery time watching funny shows on T.V. She is now 16 years clear of cancer and we still laugh every time we are together. I know some people who have gotten the diagnosis and given up and they declined very quickly so I will always believe that positive thinking is a big part of healing your body.

Appreciate who and what you have while they are here. You never know when someone you love will get bad news. My mom and I have this thing we say to each other a lot. We say "I love and appreciate you everyday." That way we know that even on the days we don't say it we still feel it everyday.

It's not about you. It sucks to go see your loved one in the hospital and some people are very uncomfortable with it but you don't go for you. You go for them. They need as much support as possible. I have spent many hours in waiting rooms. I got so comfortable at our local hospital surgery ward that they would say hi Steph when I got there with my mom. They didn't even bat an eye as I went to my corner pushed 2 chairs together to make a bed and snuggled up with a C.D. player my blanket and a coloring book. Yes I was a teenager but coloring was my relaxation thing. It still is. They would always offer me a heated blanket and an apple juice because they knew me so well. It was not the most fun times but I went and found ways to be more comfortable so that when my mom woke up she would see me there to support her.

The final thing I think my family learned from cancer is to stop and appreciate the small stuff. My brothers and I are random and weird and spend most of our time laughing when we are together. We learned from all of this to live in the moment when we are together. We have birthday dinners and appreciate each other. We do what we can to make each others lives easier and above all else. We love each other and our time together. We rarely waste time fighting because who knows how much time we have.

So even if you haven't experienced having a loved one with a horrible disease. Please hug and love your family and friends. don't take time for granted. Most of all have fun as often as you can. Make memories. It doesn't matter if you have 5 or 500 more years to make memories you won't regret it. I have never regretted any of mine! Love and be loved. and when something bad happens and you lose someone feel it. Grieve. Let it sink in. and lean on those around you. Maybe someday none of us will have to worry about any of this but even if we didn't I'd still absorb every second I could with my loved ones cause you know I love them :)

Always Against The Odds

I have always been an odd duck. I get it from my mother. When we get strep throat we tend to get the kind that like 2% of people get. If there's an extremely low chance of anyone being allergic to something then you can pretty well bet that either my mom or me or both of us will be allergic. Well 17 years ago my mom had a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. At the time we were told that nobody who had gotten it had lived past 5 years. No female had yet gotten it. Nobody younger then 55 had ever had it. She was 34. She had against all odds contracted this horrible disease. I was 13 and I took over raising my brothers who were 10 and 14. I also took care of my mother once she was released. When I see 13 year olds now I don't know how I did that at that age. I against all odds kept our family together. I kept my grades up and I kept my sanity and even perkiness through it all. My mother as of today against all odds is 17 years cancer free! There are so many people that I include in my prayers at night because of this. She had an amazing team of doctors. She had wonderful nurses who even gave her massages while she was recovering. She has had 17 years of more doctors and nurses keeping her healthy. I'm thankful for the people who supported me while I supported her. But most of all I am thankful that I have my odd duck mommy! We're odd ducks but sometimes being the odd one out it a very good thing!

Diagnosed

This is quite possibly one of the worst words in the English language. Most of the even worse words tend to hang out with it too. I remember when my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. When my grandpa was diagnosed with a brain tumor. When my mother was diagnosed with bladder cancer and all three times my baby brother was diagnosed with cancer. I remember when I was diagnosed with A.d.h.d. and even though nothing about me had changed in those few minutes. I felt different. I remember being diagnosed with hyper sensitivity disorder. Again nothing had changed but I was more confused by my body and why it overreacts to everything. Why does this word have such a negative impact. In reality it changes nothing other then the fact that you know where you stand now. If my mother and brother weren't diagnosed when they were I wouldn't have them here with me today. So I try to focus on the positive with everything in life. But that's not always so easy. Recently I was diagnosed epileptic and instead of thinking, great they have this figured out and we can make progress towards making me feel better, I instantly thought oh no I can't drive. There goes my independence. I thought of what a burden I will always be on my loved ones. But really I should have been thinking that it's not the worst thing it could have been. I should have been thankful for my wonderful neurologist for all his hard work to find answers. Not resentful that he couldn't snap his fingers and fix me. I have alot more to learn about my newest diagnosis but I will learn and I will pray that God helps me focus on the positives in life. Because really a word is only as powerful as we let it become. So starting today I'm diagnosing myself with positivity syndrome! It's gonna be great!