Processing

Well the family left today. We had a nice visit with them but now my husband and I are left to process. How do we begin to live in this house without grandpa? What will we do without him here to take care of? I feel like time has slowed down. I can't bring myself to look at or sit in his chair. I think of all the questions I wanted to ask him about the farm. I try to remember everything he taught me. but mostly I'm trying not to cry so I don't make my husband sad. I have had a bad migraine ever since he passed. I don't know when I will fully break down but I feel like when I do I will feel better. I know I need to cry about it but I just can't bring myself to do it. I keep going and cleaning or doing laundry to keep my mind off of it. I promise to have a more positive blog post soon. Sorry 

Always Against The Odds

I have always been an odd duck. I get it from my mother. When we get strep throat we tend to get the kind that like 2% of people get. If there's an extremely low chance of anyone being allergic to something then you can pretty well bet that either my mom or me or both of us will be allergic. Well 17 years ago my mom had a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. At the time we were told that nobody who had gotten it had lived past 5 years. No female had yet gotten it. Nobody younger then 55 had ever had it. She was 34. She had against all odds contracted this horrible disease. I was 13 and I took over raising my brothers who were 10 and 14. I also took care of my mother once she was released. When I see 13 year olds now I don't know how I did that at that age. I against all odds kept our family together. I kept my grades up and I kept my sanity and even perkiness through it all. My mother as of today against all odds is 17 years cancer free! There are so many people that I include in my prayers at night because of this. She had an amazing team of doctors. She had wonderful nurses who even gave her massages while she was recovering. She has had 17 years of more doctors and nurses keeping her healthy. I'm thankful for the people who supported me while I supported her. But most of all I am thankful that I have my odd duck mommy! We're odd ducks but sometimes being the odd one out it a very good thing!