Health Progress Report and Stamina

So it's been a while since I started my journey to getting healthier. I only have a few more pounds to loose before I'm ready for surgery. I also have to go and get my psych clearance and go to a support group meeting. So it's looking like it will probably be at least January before I have the surgery. I cannot wait. I know that sounds weird because it will be a hard journey after surgery. Like I won't be able to eat a vegetable for something like four months after the surgery. I'll be on a liquid diet for a few weeks. I'll most likely have some sickness afterwards but honestly that will all be worth it!

How do I know already that it will be worth it? Well I'm already noticing so much change in my energy and stamina. Last night I worked a full shift and then stayed an extra half an hour to help a co-worker with some of her stuff. Now 6 months ago after a night like that I would be in so much pain. I could barely walk and I wouldn't want to do anything the whole next day. But last night other then a sore back from sleeping wrong the night before I felt great! We even did some grocery shopping afterwards. Today I still feel great. I'm in a tiny bit of pain from a burst ovarian cyst but I'm still full of energy and feeling nice!

The other thing that is great is that normally before after a few days of work I would need my first day off to be a rest day. Like I would do some light cleaning and stuff around the house but no big farm things. and now I keep saying I'll need a rest day and then I decide I have too much energy and I want to go outside and do something on the farm. Or play with the ducks. I am just full of energy everyday! It's amazing and that is all with just a tiny bit of weight loss. Imagine how I'm going to be after the surgery. Like my joints feel better especially my feet and ankles! I just can't get over how much better I feel. I am so ready to be healthy again. and as I am normally quite hyper especially for someone in poor health I'm gonna be kind of obnoxious when I'm done with this journey. Sorry not sorry!

I know it's somewhat worrisome for my loved ones that I'm choosing to go through this surgery. However, it is going to lead to such amazing things. I just know that I will feel like I'm living a whole new life!

Allergies, can't leave home without them

Anytime I talk to people about my allergies they always say how much it must suck to not be able to eat chocolate or nuts or to not be able to pick all the beautiful flowers we have on the farm. Yes, all those things do suck but honestly I don't really mind too much that I can't eat chocolate or nuts or whole grain. I don't even mind so much having to avoid the beautiful flowers. What I really hate about my allergies is that I can't snuggle my cats or any long haired dogs without hives. I hate that I can never leave the house without my inhaler, benadryl, or my epi pen. I can't just try new things anymore. I have to be fully prepared at all times to fix any allergic reaction that might occur. I was lucky as a kid I was only allergic to dairy and chocolate. That didn't really have a huge affect on my life. My brothers got a chocolate candy bar I'd get nerds. That was about the extent of it. I could still run around outside and play. I could still ride bikes and make mud-pies and play with snakes. I never thought about my allergies. I miss that but I'm also thankful that I had that. Some kids are born with really bad allergies. Some kids never get to do that stuff. I'm 31 now and I don't need to be playing in the grass. What I do need is to be able to keep my pets around me without taking medications. I need to be able to just run out of the house with my wallet and keys and not a huge diaper bag like purse. I need to not be known as the girl that gets sick so easily or the girl with the bad  lungs or the girl who is allergic to life. I need to be able to be me and have fun. So allergies if you could kindly vacate the premises I would appreciate it!

What cancer taught my family

I have had more then my fair share of family members with cancer. I've even had a couple of pre-cancer scares myself. My grandmother and most of her siblings died of cancer. My mother had a rare aggressive type of cancer when I was 13. My baby brother has fought and beat cancer 3 times. Because of all of this we have had a few lessons we picked up along the way.

The first lesson I remember that cancer taught us is pray often and pray together. God may not answer in exactly the way you want but he will hear you. I remember being with my mom and brothers and sitting in a circle praying anytime there was bad news in the family. Be it a death or a diagnosis. It felt good to know that the people around me knew what I was feeling because they felt the same way. It felt good as a group to give our issues over to God. He has a greater plan and even though I miss the people I've lost I know that they are up there watching all my big moments and that is comforting.

Think positively. I know everyone says that and it's hard to do sometimes. I remember the 3rd time my baby brother was diagnosed just sitting on our back porch and crying for hours. So I know it's hard but a good friend of mine came over and he talked to me. He got me thinking positive and it was like a weight was lifted off of me. When my mom was fighting her cancer most of my memories in the hospital were of us laughing. We did anything we could to keep positive. I remember watching her Iv line get an air bubble and we were thinking isn't there not supposed to be air in your veins. My mom said well I guess we'll find out and we watched it go in and laughed when nothing happened. She spent a lot of her recovery time watching funny shows on T.V. She is now 16 years clear of cancer and we still laugh every time we are together. I know some people who have gotten the diagnosis and given up and they declined very quickly so I will always believe that positive thinking is a big part of healing your body.

Appreciate who and what you have while they are here. You never know when someone you love will get bad news. My mom and I have this thing we say to each other a lot. We say "I love and appreciate you everyday." That way we know that even on the days we don't say it we still feel it everyday.

It's not about you. It sucks to go see your loved one in the hospital and some people are very uncomfortable with it but you don't go for you. You go for them. They need as much support as possible. I have spent many hours in waiting rooms. I got so comfortable at our local hospital surgery ward that they would say hi Steph when I got there with my mom. They didn't even bat an eye as I went to my corner pushed 2 chairs together to make a bed and snuggled up with a C.D. player my blanket and a coloring book. Yes I was a teenager but coloring was my relaxation thing. It still is. They would always offer me a heated blanket and an apple juice because they knew me so well. It was not the most fun times but I went and found ways to be more comfortable so that when my mom woke up she would see me there to support her.

The final thing I think my family learned from cancer is to stop and appreciate the small stuff. My brothers and I are random and weird and spend most of our time laughing when we are together. We learned from all of this to live in the moment when we are together. We have birthday dinners and appreciate each other. We do what we can to make each others lives easier and above all else. We love each other and our time together. We rarely waste time fighting because who knows how much time we have.

So even if you haven't experienced having a loved one with a horrible disease. Please hug and love your family and friends. don't take time for granted. Most of all have fun as often as you can. Make memories. It doesn't matter if you have 5 or 500 more years to make memories you won't regret it. I have never regretted any of mine! Love and be loved. and when something bad happens and you lose someone feel it. Grieve. Let it sink in. and lean on those around you. Maybe someday none of us will have to worry about any of this but even if we didn't I'd still absorb every second I could with my loved ones cause you know I love them :)

Living life to the fullest not the fattest.

This is a hard subject for me because I never thought I would be at the weight I am today. I was a little chubby in my adolescent years but I became addicted to exercise and toned up as a teen. I even did some modeling. At this point in my life I worked a paper route every morning and walked at least 2 miles delivering to 2 apartment complexes and one neighborhood. I would go home and do 1,000 sit ups a night. It helped me sleep. I ate healthy and I drank mostly water. I never thought I would get this bad.

It's easy to see someone and judge them. Easy, but not right. The turning point from super healthy teen to gaining weight for me started with a car accident, and then another, and another, and another, and one more. All in 3 years I was in 5 accidents. I wasn't driving in any of them. It was out of my control. I sprained my whole back on one side. Kind of a sideways whiplash from being T-boned. I had a horrible seat-belt injury and had to be monitored for internal bleeding with a different accident. I would just start to get one body part rested enough and I would injure another. I had so much determination to stay healthy but 5 accidents slowly crumbled my wall of strength.

I don't like excuses and I'm not trying to tell excuses. I'm sharing my story. Yes I had a choice I could have risked further injury and continued my workout plan. Yes I could have eaten the healthy choice every time and not the convenient choice. We can always make different choices. However I'm only human. I had days when I was in so much pain I could hardly breathe. I was trying not to use pain medications because addictive behaviors run in my family. I thought I was making the good choices and in some ways I was in others I wasn't.

The first time my doctor told me my weight was affecting my health was a rough day. I have always been the little hyper one in my family. I have always had a lot of allergies and chronic, Ear infections, Strep, and Asthma. But I am Tuff I kept on truckin. I have always been the one who handles stuff in my family and I was loosing control of myself of all things.

There truly is a cycle. I gained weight which caused health issues which would then cause more weight gain. I am ready to tackle this. I'm ready to feel like I am my own age and not an 80 year old fragile woman. My poor family has to try not to treat me as though I'm too fragile or it makes me sad but in truth I am. I have more health issues then I can name.

I am ready to change. I have reached the point where my doctor and I agree that I have tried almost everything. We have kept a food diary and all that told us is that my body can stay fat off of only 750 calories. How is that possible? Well when I get home from work my body will just run out of energy and this isn't just the typical tired after work. This is my body forces sleep and attacks me with pain to let me know how mad it is that I worked hard.

One of my Co-workers frequently tells me I'm either 120% there when I'm at work and trying to do my job plus anything extra I can or else I'm 60% just holding on and trying not to get sent home sick. This as you can imagine is a hard way to live. I want to be 120% everyday. I would love to always be running around keeping busy. And eventually I will.

I have a long journey in front of me. Next Wed I will go in for my intake appt. for Bariatric surgery. We are leaning towards the Gastric sleeve surgery. We have done hours of research online. We have attended an informational class. I have told my boss that I will have lots of dr. appts. and this is why. I have a wonderful support system. Granted, they are worried because I am fragile. but I want my health back. I want to get healthy so I can make happy healthy babies and work a full work schedule and just in general LIVE! I want to get back to thinking about what fun things I can do and not when my next lab or appt is. I kinda have to dive into that world for a while but when I come back out I'll be a whole new me. and won't that be WONDERFUL!

Always Against The Odds

I have always been an odd duck. I get it from my mother. When we get strep throat we tend to get the kind that like 2% of people get. If there's an extremely low chance of anyone being allergic to something then you can pretty well bet that either my mom or me or both of us will be allergic. Well 17 years ago my mom had a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. At the time we were told that nobody who had gotten it had lived past 5 years. No female had yet gotten it. Nobody younger then 55 had ever had it. She was 34. She had against all odds contracted this horrible disease. I was 13 and I took over raising my brothers who were 10 and 14. I also took care of my mother once she was released. When I see 13 year olds now I don't know how I did that at that age. I against all odds kept our family together. I kept my grades up and I kept my sanity and even perkiness through it all. My mother as of today against all odds is 17 years cancer free! There are so many people that I include in my prayers at night because of this. She had an amazing team of doctors. She had wonderful nurses who even gave her massages while she was recovering. She has had 17 years of more doctors and nurses keeping her healthy. I'm thankful for the people who supported me while I supported her. But most of all I am thankful that I have my odd duck mommy! We're odd ducks but sometimes being the odd one out it a very good thing!

Diagnosed

This is quite possibly one of the worst words in the English language. Most of the even worse words tend to hang out with it too. I remember when my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. When my grandpa was diagnosed with a brain tumor. When my mother was diagnosed with bladder cancer and all three times my baby brother was diagnosed with cancer. I remember when I was diagnosed with A.d.h.d. and even though nothing about me had changed in those few minutes. I felt different. I remember being diagnosed with hyper sensitivity disorder. Again nothing had changed but I was more confused by my body and why it overreacts to everything. Why does this word have such a negative impact. In reality it changes nothing other then the fact that you know where you stand now. If my mother and brother weren't diagnosed when they were I wouldn't have them here with me today. So I try to focus on the positive with everything in life. But that's not always so easy. Recently I was diagnosed epileptic and instead of thinking, great they have this figured out and we can make progress towards making me feel better, I instantly thought oh no I can't drive. There goes my independence. I thought of what a burden I will always be on my loved ones. But really I should have been thinking that it's not the worst thing it could have been. I should have been thankful for my wonderful neurologist for all his hard work to find answers. Not resentful that he couldn't snap his fingers and fix me. I have alot more to learn about my newest diagnosis but I will learn and I will pray that God helps me focus on the positives in life. Because really a word is only as powerful as we let it become. So starting today I'm diagnosing myself with positivity syndrome! It's gonna be great!