Friskies Pull 'n Play Cat Treats Review

I know a cat treat review seems like an odd post but oh my gosh, my cats love these. I only have 2 cats who like treats the others prefer to just stick to cat food. But my 2 cats that like treats go crazy for these. They try to open the package themselves. They cant wait for me to peal apart the strings. As far as the play part goes they maybe swat at it once before they eat it. Because they are essentially long string shaped soft cat treats. But Haze and Luna very much approve!

New Tradition for the New Year!!!

I HATE RESOLUTIONS! There I said it. I know so many people who disagree. I will agree that when followed through on they are wonderful and that even making a start in the right direction is something. However, I think this whole tradition of writing a list of all these things you could do to be better right after you just survived pulling off Christmas, is just asking for a little seasonal depression. So, What I would like to start doing is every year on my blog at some point in January (Which is an emotional month for my family) I'm going to write a list of what makes me happy/ what I'm thankful for. I know we do thankfulness at Thanksgiving but I'm thankful everyday! So here is my list for

January 2016

• I am so happy everyday on this amazing farm/ranch I get to live on!
• I am so Blessed to have such a wonderful family biologically and the ones who had to have me because I married Luke. I love my Edwards/Quirk family so much! 
• Getting to be so close to your mother is truly a blessing I will soak up all the joy and laughter I can from her
• Having someone who is truly like a twin and like the other half of who you are is an amazing thing that not a lot of people get to experience.
• No matter how much time I spend apart from my baby brother he is one of my best friends and one of the silliest people on earth.
• My Hubbles, Hammy, Lulu, Luka, Luker, etc, my husband is my strength. He holds me up so I can feel free enough to be my wacky self. He keeps me sane through all of the crazy medical issues he is my whole world and I love him so so so much. 
• I'm grateful that the Lord is such a part of my life and in the way he is. I feel like I have a very personal relationship with the lord and I do feel like he is with me everyday especially on this farm. 
• I am so thankful for the what my family calls "Snow White Syndrome" basically I'm very at ease with animals even wild animals. It's an amazing thing getting to live a life where squirrels stop and stand on your shoe to eat a nut because they aren't afraid of you. I'm so happy that I am somehow able to put them at ease!
• I'm of course thankful for my Friends Especially my bestie who shares her amazing kid with us and I'm thankful for that kid who makes my day every time I see her. 
• And of course my Beautiful and perfect niece I am so grateful that I was able to marry into this family so I could be your aunt because Clary Ada you make me smile so much just by thinking about you. 

See easy and that list made me feel happy and accomplished!

Anxiety Wave

Right now, at this very moment I'm fine and content but it's because I'm not sleeping it's 3:57am and I'm up snuggling cats and blogging instead of sleeping. I know that's not normal. I know that especially since I have a bad infection in my body and I have taken some nighttime cold medicine, I should be in snoozey town. But I'm not because today I had a panic surge. That's the best way I can describe it . I do have anxiety and panic attacks and usually they come on quickly and go away just as fast leaving the shell of shaken me behind. What happened today, which does, on occasion happen to me, is I get stuck. I feel it coming on days before. I'm cranky which is not typically my personality. I'm
easily offended which is my personality but not this extreme but then it's like I can feel it building and I know something is going to happen and I will be powerless to stop it.

In these times I mainly just hope so much that I don't hurt those I love because I'm a feisty girl already and when I'm grumpy I can hurt feelings. I hope that those who love me know that I honestly try my best to hold up the crumbling dam that is my I don't know sanity? comfort zone? kindness? I'm not sure what I'll loose if I let it crumble but I'm doing my best to fight my anxiety. If you have invited me to things and I don't come I'm sorry. Sometimes my anxiety wins and sometimes my cats are way cuter then drunk people. But, that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate every invite. I do. and I hope someday to be able to go hang out with coworkers other then my few that I always have.

I don't know why I'm writing this. It's 4 am and I'm melancholy but I'll get a start on my day and I'll see my hubby off to work and then who are we kidding I'll probably nap and my anxiety has likely just ruined my sleeping pattern. GRRRR. Lol. I hope all is well with all my lovely people almost as much as I hope that one of you won the lottery! :)

Mental notes to myself,

Sometimes I have to stop and listen to my inner voice about what to do or more often what not to do here are some examples,

• When the man with approximately 3 teeth turns and yells, "get over here and fix this retarded thing." While you are helping another customer, Do not ask him if he means the machine or himself. Do not grab him by the ear and tell him that is not an appropriate word to say. Do finish with your customer and kindly go tell toothy what stupid thing he did to mess up the machine. 
• When a teeny tiny man from a far off land snaps his fingers at me and then points beside himself for me to come like I'm a dog, DO NOT   DISEMBOWEL THE CUSTOMER. Do not slap his face and say we don't snap at princesses. Do not warn the woman he is with to run far and fast away from him. Do give him your best what did you just do to me? look abd then go help him then get as far away as you can so you can resist the urge to slap him. Oh and Don't point out that the giant man nearby is my husband who would happily squash him like a bug for mistreating the princess. 
• When your husband says I'll do it tomorrow. assume he means next week and if possible do it yourself. Do not text him 12 times tomorrow asking if he's done it yet. The answer will just anger you so just do it yourself it's easier. 
• When people are over and looking at your ducks and chickens and the ducks or chickens get frisky, Do not yell no rape in front of mommy. People will think you're weird even though you think it's a wonderful training method. 
• When your husband leaves clothes strewn about the house like he's a teenage girl who does 17 wardrobe changes a day, Do not call him a teenage girl. Just check the pockets and throw it in the laundry. AGAIN
• When you are working and people keep having unexpected items in the bagging area and you keep showing them that if they pick up the last item they put down and then check the screen to see if they scanned it which they didn't but yet they keep doing that every other item. It is not okay to ask if they have any common sense or short term memory.
• When the lady who steals whole carts full of stuff on other peoples watch but knows I watch her, comes up with a full cart then sees that I'm working sco and turns around to put back all the stuff she was gonna steal and comes to pay for the 4 items she could afford. It's not okay to yell BOOM NOT ON MY WATCH LADY. It is okay however to grin when she glares at you because you know that security has her picture and times she has stolen stuff because you write down what days and times she normally comes in . You're gonna get caught!!

My brain is a little more sassy then what I let show, which is saying something cause everyone knows I'm a sassball. :)

FAMILY

It's been a long time since I've blogged. If you know me you know most of the reasons why. I'm going to try to get beck in to the swing of things beginning with the most important.

Okay, so if you would have asked me 10 years ago there is no way I would have been able to imagine my family the way it is today. This person has disowned that person. This person disowned me but still checks in when she hears if something really bad has happened. (So, I know she still loves me somewhere in there.) It's a mess. I think this is why we all mourned the loss of my Gramps so much because when a family looses the leader they loose themselves somewhat too. Sure when he was around people still had fights and disliked other members of the family but they put it aside for his sake.

I miss feeling like I had the best family in the world. I miss the time when I couldn't imagine a month without going to Salem and seeing all of my aunts and most of my cousins and even some extended family. I miss when thinking about a certain immediate family member made me happy and proud it didn't make me cry.

The thing is with my family sometimes it's big stuff but more often then not it's little tiny things that start arguments and lead to huge bits of time not talking to one another. Why?

This must just be me but I have had some hugely bad things happen to me at the hands of a family member. But I have never disowned a family member. I love my family and in one way or another even though they don't all see it in each other they are all pretty cool. I have Some amazing, outgoing, silly, talented family members. There are a few introverts who when you take the time to know them they will shock you with their talent and silliness too.

I pray that I can figure out a way to make us all like we were before. I want my family back. It's never too late for family. Until it is too late. I don't want to loose anyone and have them not know how much I love them. I love my whole family. the messed up one's who take more patience to love and the weird one's cause that's me too, and the ones who are easy to love.

Whether it is hard or easy to love you. If you're my family I promise to love you anyway! I know people say that friends can be family too and trust me I have a huge family via my bestie and I love them to the moon and back but I think God made my family mine for a reason and I plan on loving them until there is no more time left to love them.

Random things I say.

I feel like it will be better if I don't give anyone any context and just let you know that this is what my husband lives with everyday. Here are some random things that pop out of my mouth:

• What is with the fake accent? Your name is Frank.
• I don't like having to compromise. I like dictatorships. I like the word dick. I like taters and I like ships. 
• He's not a calf. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HIS MANLINESS!
• Why do all these college students have too much hair for a human?
• I don't want to hang out wit y'all. I just want your alcohol. (That one turned into a song in the car the whole way home)
• My pants were wrongfully excited.
• That last car's headlights just raped my eyeballs and it didn't feel fancy.
• Then, just to level the playing-field, God made boobs hurt.
• Stop sticking your butt in my face, cat, I'm in crisis.
• I don't like goslings unless it's Ryan Gosling.
• I'm grieving too much for pants. 

This is just what I said in a short period of time that my husband said was weird. I don't pay attention to being normal so this is just me. Not even sorry. Lol

What I wish for them

I am not a parent. I hope to one day have kids of my own. Right now what I do have is my best friends daughter who we call my part time kiddo, and my niece. K and C are both a big part of my happiness. I don't see either one as often as I'd like because they both live at least a 2 hour drive from me. I cherish every moment I do get to spend with them.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how the world will be when they are my age. I hope that it is a better place in at least some ways. I hope that people are still kind. I hope that they get to feel the pride of living here that I feel. Mostly I hope that it doesn't take something bad to make them thankful for what they have. I remember when 9/11 happened how patriotic everyone was. I remember how much our country bound together to help those they could. I felt so proud to be an American! I still do and will forever but I wish it didn't take such a horrible thing to make me realize how great I have it.

I hope that future K and C are in a world that is accepting of differences. I hope that they don't have to feel the empathy for others who are judged for being different. I hope that they are different in enough ways and proud of it. I'm the first to admit I'm an odd duck but I think my weirdness is part of what makes me me and what makes me lovable. I hope that this future world has less judgement and more acceptance. I hope people don't use religion as a way to make people feel bad about their differences but instead use it to make people feel good whole and safe. I hope K and C are still at least a little bit the kids I love today. I hope they're still silly in their 30's.

I hope that in the future they will still be a big part of my life. I hope that they know how much I adore them and have from the moment I laid eyes on them. I hope they both know how to love and be loved. I both don't want them to grow up and can't wait to see the people they become. I hope the world can live up to what they deserve!

When did that happen.

So, it's the season that everyone does their taxes. My husband and I usually get a return and back when we were first dating we used it to go on small trips up the coast or buy fun things like video games. This year when I got my tax returns I came to a realization. I am a boring adult. My first thought when I found out how much we were getting was wow I can pay off my car. The big fun purchase we made was a carpet shampooer. Ohh wet vacuuming in slow motion. It's hours of fun. What is wrong with me? When did I go from thinking about how I could have fun with my money to what bills I could pay off and improve my credit score?

I have always been ok with money. when I was kid and had a paper route I payed family bills and donated 20% of my check to various charities. But I still focused mainly on what I could buy after that. I would decide what CD or movie I was going to buy each paycheck. I would take my family out to dinner. But now my first thought is how to responsibly use my money. Ugh.

Now I'm thinking oh my gosh what if I did win some huge lottery someday. (If I would gamble enough with a dollar for the ticket) What would I do? Most likely invest a good chunk and pay off all my families debt. OMG I'm so boring. Is this just a phase because I'm super broke or will I always be only responsible and not even a little fun? When can I be a kid again?

Counting my blessings

Sometimes in life I think it really is  good to actually stop and count your blessings. Here are a  few of mine.

• I was born in one of the greatest places a person can be born in. I have easy enough access to medical facilities, food and water and I have many choices I can make about my life instead of having to just deal with my circumstances no matter what.
• I have parents. Most of my family no longer has their parents and I am blessed that both of mine are still on this earth and relatively healthy. My mother and I are super close and I'm getting closer with my father all the time.
• I live with an  amazing man in an amazing place. My husband can be a butthead but I adore him and we have a great life together. I am extremely blessed to be his wife and live on his amazing family farm.
• I know the love of the Lord! Faith is an amazing thing and I am so glad to have it. I am also glad that God made me who I am and I feel no need to judge you based on my religion or yours. Be who you are and I'll happily accept that as long as who you are is kind.
• Sasha Raven and Riley Bears. Yes my dogs. they show meamazing unconditional love everyday. I'm still in awe of Sasha's emotional depth for a dog. She helps me learn to love and accept all of my emotions and deal with pain and loss. Riley keeps me smiling even when I don't want to. He is a ball of happy!
• My brothers. I am lucky enough to be pretty close to my siblings and I wouldn't change that for anything. they are great people who are always there for me even when they are mad at me. I know that I can turn to them when I need something and they will help me in anyway they can.
• My job. I don't have the best or most exciting job in the world but I am lucky enough to be surrounded by amazing caring people who are like a second family to me when I am at work. Most people don't have that. I am blessed to get to know these people and spend time with them even if it's just a few hours a day!
• My friends. I honestly have amazing friends. My best friend and I can share anything. Half the time it feels like we share a brain. We are both super alike and super different all at once. and I love her for every bit of it. I mean she shares her child with me. How much more aawesome do you get?
• My baby. Although she isn't biologically mine. I adore her just as much as if she were. She is the most caring 8 year old I have ever met. She was born with so much empathy. She always knows how to make my heart smile. I adore my KayCee baby! Always have and always will!

I am so lucky that this is just the tip of my blessings iceberg. I just think it's nice to write down what your blessings are sometimes so you can visualize how lucky you are. It is easy to get caught up in all of the bad stuff. So I am going to try to countt my blessings more!

Disappointment

Well I have hit a snag in my weight loss journey. I got the call that they had put my case up for review. (the last step before surgery) Unfortunately, they said they would like me to be six months seizure free before I have surgery. I understand that but I was not expecting that since they never mentioned that my seizures may stand in the way. The whole time I've had seizures I have never gone six months without one so basically we have to cure my seizures or I cannot have the surgery. Which is great but I currently have no clue how they will do that. I want to remain positive but that is very difficult for me. So, for now I will make the needed doctors appts and hope for the best, until then I will just hope for the best and keep on trying to lose weight and get healthy.

Things you don't think about before weight loss.

So everyone knows I'm on a journey to lose weight and get healthy. Well so far I've lost 30 pounds which isn't too much for how much I need to lose but its a good start. Well lately I've noticed some stuff I wasn't prepared for. Like, we all know you have to buy new clothes but at just 30 pounds less I've had to buy new undergarments too. And I always thought that I could just keep using my elastic pants. But no the elastic now doesn't go small enough for me.

Also I thought aches and pains wise it would only get better with weight loss but somehow I only started feeling how bad my arthritis is once I started loosing weight. You would think that would make it better not worse.

I have more energy but not always when I want it. I thought with losing some weight I would  feel more hyper and for the most part I do but when It's time to do laundry. My hyperness abandons me for laziness. I just still don't wanna and I had hoped I would want to.

I just can't believe that even with that little weight loss I'm already having. Moments where I stop and realize I'm smaller now. Like I've always been small in some ways but chubby. And I thought my hubby was protective before and he's gonna be way worse the smaller I get. Oh well that's the price we pay for good health!

Things that won't stop me.

I have always been someone who believes that bad things can happen to you but you control how you react and respond to those bad things. You control whether it makes you a better person or makes you an angry person. So I personally have decided to write down all the things that won't stop me from being happy. I will enjoy my life even though. I had a rough childhood that included abuse and other very bad things. I have had a million allergies my whole life and I just keep getting more. I am currently allergic to, mold, chocolate, whole grains, artificial sweeteners (like all of them), down, cats, dogs, hay, pollen, bees, any medication related to codeine ( which is most pain meds. I'm allergic to the adhesive in medical tape or bandages. I get chemical burns. I can't cut tomatoes or potatoes without my hands swelling up like balloons. There is probably more that I'm forgetting. Thankfully my husband never forgets.

On top of allergies I have bad lungs which means I have horrible asthma and chronic bronchitis and pneumonia. I also have tendonitis in my wrists and ankles. I have long ligaments which means I have loose joints which means it's really easy for me to sprain or dislocate all of my joints. I have arthritis in my hips. I've had my rotator cuff fixed and a tumor removed from my spine. I have chronic migraines and kidney stones. I'm overweight and have a horrible immune system.

All of that is to overwhelming to most people. However, it could be much worse. For every one of those bad things I have to deal with everyday of my life I have a thousand blessings that I get to deal with everyday. I chose to be happy. Yes, sometimes it's hard. I deal with pain everyday of my life which could wear a person down. But I choose to be happy. I l now I can deal with these things and life a long fulfilling life. We choose to be miserable or focus on the happy. So, just focus on the happy.

Yes, I understand that some people have depression or anxiety. I myself have a panic disorder so I am not always happy and positive but the point is I try. I won't stop trying and these things won't stop me.

Why I suck in January.

January is a hard month for a lot of people. It's right after the holidays so you are missing any loved ones who were missing from your holiday celebration. It's still cold and wet. (At least where I live) and the next holiday you have to look forward to is Valentine's Day. Which I have always loved but I think I'm in the minority. So, January is hard for most people. For me, January is awful with one bright spot.

Several years ago my family took in my brothers best friend, Sean. He lived with us for a long time until he was old enough to join the army and head off to basic. Sean was like a third brother. Then one January he came down from Ft. Lewis to visit my brother for his birthday. They had a great time spent it with friends doing what they always did. Then we got a call that Sean never showed up back in Washington. We all searched for him. Then we found out....

Sean had committed suicide. It was one of the most difficult things my family has been through. It still hurts to think about the funeral or when we found out or when the chaplain came. We luckily had a lot of support but every January my family kind of goes through a collective depression. Then a few year ago another person we loved passed away in January. It brought back all the memories.

So I always take a week of vacation before my brothers birthday every year so that I can re group and try to give him a great birthday that makes him not think about all the horrible January's we have had before. For some then last year we lost my husband's grandfather right before new years which now means January has turned into a month where I just mourn 90% of the time. So if I'm in a funk this month or bummed out or unnaturally quiet. Please don't push me I'm just taking a moment for my brother and everyone else I've loved who is in heaven.

One year.

One year ago tonight/tomorrow in the wee hours of the morning I had a nightmare. But I was unfortunately wide awake. I had to watch as my husband lost one of the closest people in the world to him. I had to watch him loose his hero just a few years after I lost mine. See our grandpas were our everything. My grandpa was like a best friend/grandpa/extra dad. And when I met Luke I realized he had the same relationship with his grandpa. I think that if you would have asked them they would have said they loved us more. But they may not have realized how much they meant to us and how much we loved them. I can't believe a year ago I was telling Grandpa Norman goodnight for the last time. I can't believe we have survived a year without him. He was truly the kindest man and Luke gets that from him. He adored nobody more then his wife and Luke gets that from him. He loved this farm and watching over all the animals and Luke gets that from him. I am so happy that I got the pleasure of marrying Normans grandson because he got so many wonderful traits from him but also because I got the joy of taking car of grandpa for the last few years of his life. Every time I cooked he acted like I was the best chef in the world. Anytime he needed coffee and I wasn't busy he'd ask me to make it for him because he said I made the best coffee. It's still hard for us everyday. But we have such amazing memories we made with him. I will miss him and my gramps everyday of my life but I will carry them with me and try to be as much of a blessing to others as they were to me. Hug your loved ones.

Why lie?

So, in general I think it's strange to lie and I'm a horribly obvious liar. I just can't do it I can't keep a straight face. But there are so many people who lie about stuff that doesn't matter. Like when checking someone's I.d. I frequently notice when they are clearly shorter then me (5'5") and yet their I.d. says they are 5'9". What's the point of that? It doesn't matter what your I.D. says you're still short. If anything that can be harmful because I can deny your I.D. if there is too big of a difference. Like I am shorter then my drivers license says but only by a half of an inch and only because I had a tumor that bent my spine and made me shorter. So I don't get those type of lies but I also don't understand the bigger lies. Like, why? 99.9% of the time your lie gets found out and then your worse off then you would have been had you been honest in the first place. I also don't understand talking behind someone's back. Guess what if I have a problem or issue with you that is a big enough deal that I'm talking about it, then I will talk to you about it. It's far more satisfying to work out your differences as opposed to talking behind someone's back and just getting more bitter and not resolving anything. So don't lie. There's almost never a point to it.

Who doesn't like nicknames.

So I am the queen of nicknames. I have the normal ones based off of my name, Steph, Stephie, and Stepher. Then I have nicknames I have earned over time, Punkin, Tuff, Tuffy, Tutt, Tutty, Sookie, Pookie, Sookie Sue, Pookie Sue, Pookie bear, Little one, Short Stuff, Princess, Sunshine, Momma Stephie, Aunt Tuff, Hearts,Present, Duck, Etc. The list could go on and on. I love nicknames. It means someone cares enough to think one up for you. but some people don't like nicknames not even the shorter version of their name. which is weird but okay I guess as long as your not biting peoples heads off about it if they accidentally call you by the wrong thing. I mean my advice is always don't be a dick but really people, nicknames are supposed to be an expression of fondness. however, if you are the type of person to bite someones head off about that sort of thing then you deserve no fondness anyway.

Corvallis, I'm worried about you

So, I was born and raised in Salem but I spent most of my teen and adult years in Corvallis. and Corvallis I'm worried about you. I know you have a great reputation. Wonderful little college town. Home of the OSU Beavers! Very safe place to live. Friendliest people ever. (unless you work retail) and that seems great but now the first impression some parents get if they come into town a certain way is this. A huge bright purple marijuana dispensary followed by a billion fast food joints, oh and a sex shop. While I am okay with all of these things being in our town and people partaking in these things I think it may scare some people off of our wonderful friendly little town. and if you ever visit Corvallis there is honestly so much more beauty, history, and culture to absorb. So try not to focus on the first impressions. :)

Who's fault is this really?

So, we all know I work in retail. Which basically means that I am forced to keep a smile on my face while being blamed for a million things I have nothing to do with, like:

• I have had multiple customers get mad when a self check out machine breaks and we don't happen to have a new hard drive or anyone with the skills to fix it just waiting around the store. 
• People get mad when a Self checkout is close for multiple days. So do we but once we have put in a work order it's out of our hands, They will show up and fix it when they can.
• People get upset when the store is out of a certain denomination of money. It sucks more for us trust me but when an armored truck breaks down they can't just get a rent a car and drive us over thousands of dollars. That's not how it works.
• I have gotten yelled at on thanksgiving day because we ran out of sweet potatoes. Okay, first of all if you wait to get them until the day of then you are my least favorite kind of human. Secondly that's not just something we can have the warehouse stock up on and have an unlimited supply of. the process to create sweet potatoes involves farmers, dirt, sunshine, water, and GOD. I have no power over any of those things. 
• When people get mad at restaurants because it's busy and it takes longer to get their food. I want to go explain the entire cooking process to them and ask them how long it would take them to cook different meals for 50 different people.
• When people go into stores on a holiday or a five dollar Friday type thing and then wonder why it's so busy. I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying well why are you here dumbass? Cause it's probably the same reason everyone else is.

Because of all of these things and more I just want so badly to dress up as the common sense fairy (Which is just me +sparkles+wings+ a foam bat with the word COMMON SENSE written on it) and then I would like to have the freedom to beat my common sense into everyone who does any of these things or anything I deem bat worthy,. A girl can dream right? :)

Made of so much.

This is my face. It is, Irish, Norwegian, Austrian, Scottish, Spanish, Winnebago, Okanagan, Black Foot, French, and so many other things. I am made up of all of these things. I don't see beauty, or ugliness when I look in the mirror. I see me. I see my mom, my grandma, my aunts, my Great grandparents. I see family when I look in the mirror. So it doesn't matter if my eyes are too big or my cheeks to pronounced. It doesn't matter that my face has gone from heart shaped to more rounded because of weight gain. It doesn't matter that I'm loosing hair. All tha matters is that I love me. And as long as that doesn't change then my face is just what it needs to be....  Me! :)

Don't assume I'm normal

So, the title of this blog isn't meant to make it seem like the things I discuss make me a weirdo. I do that on my own. Ok! So, the other day I was working and I had a lady who rang several things up without getting me to do the 50% off stickers. She was then upset about the price, of course bcause it was about $10 more then what she had expected. That's fine. I went over and said "Oh, it makes me do the 50% off items for you anyway I'll just fix it real quick." She then started freaking out and talking about how much she hated Self Check Out. A complaint I hear a lot but it makes no sense to me when there are checkers with no line. It you hate it don't do it. But anyway, I said "oh yeah it can get annoying when the bagging alarm keeps going off but I don't mind fixing it." Then she said "No you don't understand I have severe anxiety," Okay well that explains the irritability so I said "Oh I feel ya me too." She then got very upset and said "No you don't understand it gets so bad I have to go to the E.R. sometimes." Okay so just assuming that because I am a happy person who is currently functioning well and smiling at work, that I must not know what "real anxiety is" is ridiculous. I said oh yeah I get seizures form my anxiety and have been hospitalized for a week to monitor the seizures before." Then she back pedaled and said oh that does sound serous. I finished with her stuff and she was on her way.

So, that shouldn't bother me, but, it does. because I just don't like people making assumptions. I try not to make assumptions when I see people. I adore some of our homeless customers and they like coming to me because I don't assume that just because they are homeless and doing without somethings that they can't have a nice conversation and make each others day nicer. I try not to assume that someone is a drug addict when they are acting strangely. So it's not fair that this lady just assumed that because I'm young and happy that I don't have anything going on behind the wall of happiness, I have very severe anxiety but I have learned how to deal with it. And , yes I can hold down a job even though I have seizures along with my panic attacks. However, all of my co-workers are aware of my health problems and I am blessed to have amazing co-workers who understand when I have an unexpected seizure. or if I need a break right away to take my anxiety medicine to try to prevent a seizure. I don't know why this lady bothered me so much. Maybe because after all I have been through in my life (raised in an abusive household, molested at age 4, having to care for my whole family at age 13 because of my mother having very serious cancer.) All of those things I survived and I grew up to be a pretty cheerful person. but assuming that just because I am cheerful, I must have an easy life hurt me a bit. I know that she didn't know everything I've been through but her assumptions hurt. It felt like she was saying that I couldn't really have anxiety.

Anxiety is something I deal with everyday of my life. Some days it's easy to deal with, Other days it's just not possible to function normally. But the main thing is I try. I find things that calm me. I read, drink herbal tea, watch a marvel movie (I know it's weird but it calms me down) I find ways to have anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder and not just stay alive but live and enjoy my time on this earth. Thank you to all the people who help me with this on a regular basis. and if you ever visit my home for goodness sake don't mess up the blinds. (I'll mess you up) :p