Don't assume I'm normal

So, the title of this blog isn't meant to make it seem like the things I discuss make me a weirdo. I do that on my own. Ok! So, the other day I was working and I had a lady who rang several things up without getting me to do the 50% off stickers. She was then upset about the price, of course bcause it was about $10 more then what she had expected. That's fine. I went over and said "Oh, it makes me do the 50% off items for you anyway I'll just fix it real quick." She then started freaking out and talking about how much she hated Self Check Out. A complaint I hear a lot but it makes no sense to me when there are checkers with no line. It you hate it don't do it. But anyway, I said "oh yeah it can get annoying when the bagging alarm keeps going off but I don't mind fixing it." Then she said "No you don't understand I have severe anxiety," Okay well that explains the irritability so I said "Oh I feel ya me too." She then got very upset and said "No you don't understand it gets so bad I have to go to the E.R. sometimes." Okay so just assuming that because I am a happy person who is currently functioning well and smiling at work, that I must not know what "real anxiety is" is ridiculous. I said oh yeah I get seizures form my anxiety and have been hospitalized for a week to monitor the seizures before." Then she back pedaled and said oh that does sound serous. I finished with her stuff and she was on her way.

So, that shouldn't bother me, but, it does. because I just don't like people making assumptions. I try not to make assumptions when I see people. I adore some of our homeless customers and they like coming to me because I don't assume that just because they are homeless and doing without somethings that they can't have a nice conversation and make each others day nicer. I try not to assume that someone is a drug addict when they are acting strangely. So it's not fair that this lady just assumed that because I'm young and happy that I don't have anything going on behind the wall of happiness, I have very severe anxiety but I have learned how to deal with it. And , yes I can hold down a job even though I have seizures along with my panic attacks. However, all of my co-workers are aware of my health problems and I am blessed to have amazing co-workers who understand when I have an unexpected seizure. or if I need a break right away to take my anxiety medicine to try to prevent a seizure. I don't know why this lady bothered me so much. Maybe because after all I have been through in my life (raised in an abusive household, molested at age 4, having to care for my whole family at age 13 because of my mother having very serious cancer.) All of those things I survived and I grew up to be a pretty cheerful person. but assuming that just because I am cheerful, I must have an easy life hurt me a bit. I know that she didn't know everything I've been through but her assumptions hurt. It felt like she was saying that I couldn't really have anxiety.

Anxiety is something I deal with everyday of my life. Some days it's easy to deal with, Other days it's just not possible to function normally. But the main thing is I try. I find things that calm me. I read, drink herbal tea, watch a marvel movie (I know it's weird but it calms me down) I find ways to have anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder and not just stay alive but live and enjoy my time on this earth. Thank you to all the people who help me with this on a regular basis. and if you ever visit my home for goodness sake don't mess up the blinds. (I'll mess you up) :p

Why Iron Man is my favorite superhero.

The simple answer would be that I am a geek. More specifically a Marvel geek. However most of my life Wolverine was my favorite because I wished I had his healing powers. I thought about how much more I could do if I was less sickly. Now as an adult, however, I relate way more to Iron Man. I'm not a rich playboy but I love that he has panic attacks even though he's a superhero whi shouldn't logically be afraid. That makes me feel better about when I'm freaking out about something others view as a non issue. Also he has horrible O.C.D. He can't be handed things unless its Pepper or Happy handing them to him. That's such a strange thing to be O.C.D about however so are most of my O.C.D triggers. I cannot handle a set of blinds being slightly skewed or one of them messed up. It drives me nuts and I must stop what I'm doing and fix the blinds. I feel like my problems can be so debilitating. Then I watch Iron Man and see all the amazing things Tony Stark accomplishes to spite his issues and it makes me happier to be me! Rant over carry on!

One of those days

I try to be an always happy and positive person but there are still days when just all the negative things hit me at once. Today is one of those days. I have an anxiety disorder but bringing myself to actually take the medicine is even a difficult task. I feel like a failure every time I take those pills. I try to drink herbal peppermint tea to calm down. I try watching funny videos. I try sniffing eucalyptus oil. Sometimes it helps but days like today it doesn't. I won't go into whats bothering me today because it's so many things that I know in the grand scheme of things don't matter. I know I should focus on things I'm thankful for but days like this it's so hard to do. That's not to say I'm not thankful for all I have but for instance I could have all the money in the world and the best friends and a great job and my wonderful husband and great pets but I would still be thinking in the back of my mind that it is all great but would be better if I had my Gramps. It's not always about missing my Gramps but I do miss him so much. Some days it's just hard to not feel like a failure. So my game plan for today is this pointless blog, then I'm going to watch a kids movie drink tea and pray on it. Lets hope the big guy upstairs can spare a moment to fill me with his love and warmth. Any suggestions on overcoming anxiety are welcome! Hope everyone is having a blessed day!
-A less Tuff today Tuffy