Don't assume I'm normal

So, the title of this blog isn't meant to make it seem like the things I discuss make me a weirdo. I do that on my own. Ok! So, the other day I was working and I had a lady who rang several things up without getting me to do the 50% off stickers. She was then upset about the price, of course bcause it was about $10 more then what she had expected. That's fine. I went over and said "Oh, it makes me do the 50% off items for you anyway I'll just fix it real quick." She then started freaking out and talking about how much she hated Self Check Out. A complaint I hear a lot but it makes no sense to me when there are checkers with no line. It you hate it don't do it. But anyway, I said "oh yeah it can get annoying when the bagging alarm keeps going off but I don't mind fixing it." Then she said "No you don't understand I have severe anxiety," Okay well that explains the irritability so I said "Oh I feel ya me too." She then got very upset and said "No you don't understand it gets so bad I have to go to the E.R. sometimes." Okay so just assuming that because I am a happy person who is currently functioning well and smiling at work, that I must not know what "real anxiety is" is ridiculous. I said oh yeah I get seizures form my anxiety and have been hospitalized for a week to monitor the seizures before." Then she back pedaled and said oh that does sound serous. I finished with her stuff and she was on her way.

So, that shouldn't bother me, but, it does. because I just don't like people making assumptions. I try not to make assumptions when I see people. I adore some of our homeless customers and they like coming to me because I don't assume that just because they are homeless and doing without somethings that they can't have a nice conversation and make each others day nicer. I try not to assume that someone is a drug addict when they are acting strangely. So it's not fair that this lady just assumed that because I'm young and happy that I don't have anything going on behind the wall of happiness, I have very severe anxiety but I have learned how to deal with it. And , yes I can hold down a job even though I have seizures along with my panic attacks. However, all of my co-workers are aware of my health problems and I am blessed to have amazing co-workers who understand when I have an unexpected seizure. or if I need a break right away to take my anxiety medicine to try to prevent a seizure. I don't know why this lady bothered me so much. Maybe because after all I have been through in my life (raised in an abusive household, molested at age 4, having to care for my whole family at age 13 because of my mother having very serious cancer.) All of those things I survived and I grew up to be a pretty cheerful person. but assuming that just because I am cheerful, I must have an easy life hurt me a bit. I know that she didn't know everything I've been through but her assumptions hurt. It felt like she was saying that I couldn't really have anxiety.

Anxiety is something I deal with everyday of my life. Some days it's easy to deal with, Other days it's just not possible to function normally. But the main thing is I try. I find things that calm me. I read, drink herbal tea, watch a marvel movie (I know it's weird but it calms me down) I find ways to have anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder and not just stay alive but live and enjoy my time on this earth. Thank you to all the people who help me with this on a regular basis. and if you ever visit my home for goodness sake don't mess up the blinds. (I'll mess you up) :p

Loosing friends

This is something we all go through at some point in our lives. People grow apart, people change, people find out things they don't like in other people. It happens. It is however, never easy, at least in my experience. I have recently had a person who decided she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Which is fine. Honestly her reasoning was mostly that she doesn't enjoy having anyone around her who doesn't share her exact political views. Also fine. We have known each other about 7 years, but we have never been super close. It's no great loss to my life. However, she is engaged to someone who I have been friends with since high school. This person was very important to me. We were at one point very close friends. I am the one who chose to end this friendship for a few reasons. One I came to the realization that I was doing most of the work maintaining our friendship which isn't cool. I deserve the occasional text or message just to say hi. Also I have been hated by most of his girlfriends. This one I had hoped would be different as she and I were friends way before the two of them met. But she unfortunately just used this to try to find out everything about all his past relationships which she should ask him in my opinion not me. But he was a person I thought I would always be friends with. He's the one who comforted me when I found out a close family member had cancer for the third time. He was there for me when my favorite great aunt died. I thought we would always be friends. That is pretty heartbreaking to realize that it's gone.

But I have decided not to focus on what I lost. One  great friend and one fake friend. I chose to focus on what I have. Which is several lifetime friends. I have other friends who are there for me in the rough times now. I have people who were supportive when I had my cancer scare and these two people weren't in that group. I have an amazing best friend and her whole family has adopted my whole family into their lives. That's pretty amazing. I have an amazing husband who is a better friend to me then anyone else has ever been. So as much as it sucks growing apart from someone. It must be in God's plan and since he can see the big picture and I can't I choose not to be miserable and dwell on this sad thing but rather to spend that time being thankful for all the amazing friends I do have. I have so many friends who are truly happy to be a part of my life I'm not going to mourn over people who chose not to bother. If I'm not good enough for them then they can move along because I'm good enough for me, my family, and my real friends. You all rock!