Mental notes to myself,

Sometimes I have to stop and listen to my inner voice about what to do or more often what not to do here are some examples,

• When the man with approximately 3 teeth turns and yells, "get over here and fix this retarded thing." While you are helping another customer, Do not ask him if he means the machine or himself. Do not grab him by the ear and tell him that is not an appropriate word to say. Do finish with your customer and kindly go tell toothy what stupid thing he did to mess up the machine. 
• When a teeny tiny man from a far off land snaps his fingers at me and then points beside himself for me to come like I'm a dog, DO NOT   DISEMBOWEL THE CUSTOMER. Do not slap his face and say we don't snap at princesses. Do not warn the woman he is with to run far and fast away from him. Do give him your best what did you just do to me? look abd then go help him then get as far away as you can so you can resist the urge to slap him. Oh and Don't point out that the giant man nearby is my husband who would happily squash him like a bug for mistreating the princess. 
• When your husband says I'll do it tomorrow. assume he means next week and if possible do it yourself. Do not text him 12 times tomorrow asking if he's done it yet. The answer will just anger you so just do it yourself it's easier. 
• When people are over and looking at your ducks and chickens and the ducks or chickens get frisky, Do not yell no rape in front of mommy. People will think you're weird even though you think it's a wonderful training method. 
• When your husband leaves clothes strewn about the house like he's a teenage girl who does 17 wardrobe changes a day, Do not call him a teenage girl. Just check the pockets and throw it in the laundry. AGAIN
• When you are working and people keep having unexpected items in the bagging area and you keep showing them that if they pick up the last item they put down and then check the screen to see if they scanned it which they didn't but yet they keep doing that every other item. It is not okay to ask if they have any common sense or short term memory.
• When the lady who steals whole carts full of stuff on other peoples watch but knows I watch her, comes up with a full cart then sees that I'm working sco and turns around to put back all the stuff she was gonna steal and comes to pay for the 4 items she could afford. It's not okay to yell BOOM NOT ON MY WATCH LADY. It is okay however to grin when she glares at you because you know that security has her picture and times she has stolen stuff because you write down what days and times she normally comes in . You're gonna get caught!!

My brain is a little more sassy then what I let show, which is saying something cause everyone knows I'm a sassball. :)

How to be the worst customer ever.

I personally prefer not to make others miserable but you know whatever floats your boat. Also a few of these things will get you kicked out of the store.

- Blame every employee in sight for all the things that our clearly controlled by corporate like , prices, remodels, advertising, signs, etc. There is nothing we like more then having to listen to multiple people a day complain about things that are controlled by people who make more in a week then we do in a year. We love that and I'm sure Karma won't come back to bite you. We never fantasize about all the ways Karma could catch up to you.

-Insist that you are right even after you have been shown proof. Like when you say a sign said something was way cheaper then it would ever be and we bring you the sign. Clearly we have multiple signs just to throw you off because there is nothing we like more then dealing with irrational angry customers.

-Threaten violence especially to the short female employees especially if you are a large male. That definitely won't result in police being called. Nope never.

-Always assume that you are the only person we need to help because you know we have 1,000 employees hanging out in the back room waiting around so that we can have one employee per customer.

-Tell us that we need to hire more people because you had to wait thirteen extra seconds and we had all check stands open. Then threaten to never shop there again if we don't hire more people. We would be heartbroken if we lost your super charming personality from our lives and clearly as a busy store we really need that sixteen dollars you just spent. Our lives would be forever changed without you.

- Go through self checkout for the first time ever with 70 items in your cart. The person running it totally wants to let all the other customers wait while we pretty much do your entire order because you ask a question about each item. You are after all the only person there and the center of our universe.

-Make the joke that if it didn't scan it should be free. We don't hear that 80 times a day. It's still funny.

-Tell the employees that they looked bored so you came to help. It doesn't demean all we do or make us feel like you think we are lazy. Also we're pretty much always doing something and never bored. except Thanksgiving night then we are admittedly usually bored.

So if you want to be one of our favorites that we look forward to seeing and go out of our way for then do none of the above things, remember we are people. We always try but we also sometimes have things going on outside of work that we try to hide but even your small comments can hurt on those days. Remember that the less you act like you are the center of the universe the more we will treat you like you actually are. We adore our regulars we like watching your kids grow and hearing about your life. We understand that sometimes you have rough days too but remember we're human and we'll forgive the small stuff. Also never feel like we don't want to help you. We do if you stay nice and try to remember that we have other people to help as well. I hope that you all think and take a breath next time something upsets you at a store. We truly do adore most of our customers and we know that you are crucial to our jobs. Please remember that we are also a crucial part of your lives because unless you make your own clothes and raise all your own food then you probably need us too. :)

Please do!

I recently had an incounter at work where we had a huge rush that lasted all of about 10 minutes. And a large threatening man came up to me and said that if I (who is a lowley employee not even management) don't hire more people he will never come back. He continued to scream at me about how long he had to wait which was all of 30 seconds. And I became worried for my safety. I would like to also point out that this man had only spent about $13. Now I of course would be devestated if this jackhole found another store to shop at. What would my little store do without his $13. And who would tell us when we need to hire more people. He refused to speak with my manager because my manager is also a large intimidating man and clearly that's not as fun as yelling at the five foot six girl with no power to help him. Do these people seriously think we would miss them or even notice them not coming back. We are one of the busiest stores in town. We will always be that way. If you want a slower store then by all means shop somewhere else. Where your $13 may actually matter to them. But to us you will just be the guy who left right before we were going to call the cops to have you kicked out. We have so many regular customers and I would miss them if they left. But guess what 98% of them are a freaking delight to help. You catch more flies with honey Mr. Jerkwad. I feel sorry for the people who have to encounter your sons later in life because I'm sure you're raising them with great respect for women. And loads of kindness. Now would you kindly take a long walk of a short cliff. I hear there's a great new store down there. :p