How to be the worst customer ever.

I personally prefer not to make others miserable but you know whatever floats your boat. Also a few of these things will get you kicked out of the store.

- Blame every employee in sight for all the things that our clearly controlled by corporate like , prices, remodels, advertising, signs, etc. There is nothing we like more then having to listen to multiple people a day complain about things that are controlled by people who make more in a week then we do in a year. We love that and I'm sure Karma won't come back to bite you. We never fantasize about all the ways Karma could catch up to you.

-Insist that you are right even after you have been shown proof. Like when you say a sign said something was way cheaper then it would ever be and we bring you the sign. Clearly we have multiple signs just to throw you off because there is nothing we like more then dealing with irrational angry customers.

-Threaten violence especially to the short female employees especially if you are a large male. That definitely won't result in police being called. Nope never.

-Always assume that you are the only person we need to help because you know we have 1,000 employees hanging out in the back room waiting around so that we can have one employee per customer.

-Tell us that we need to hire more people because you had to wait thirteen extra seconds and we had all check stands open. Then threaten to never shop there again if we don't hire more people. We would be heartbroken if we lost your super charming personality from our lives and clearly as a busy store we really need that sixteen dollars you just spent. Our lives would be forever changed without you.

- Go through self checkout for the first time ever with 70 items in your cart. The person running it totally wants to let all the other customers wait while we pretty much do your entire order because you ask a question about each item. You are after all the only person there and the center of our universe.

-Make the joke that if it didn't scan it should be free. We don't hear that 80 times a day. It's still funny.

-Tell the employees that they looked bored so you came to help. It doesn't demean all we do or make us feel like you think we are lazy. Also we're pretty much always doing something and never bored. except Thanksgiving night then we are admittedly usually bored.

So if you want to be one of our favorites that we look forward to seeing and go out of our way for then do none of the above things, remember we are people. We always try but we also sometimes have things going on outside of work that we try to hide but even your small comments can hurt on those days. Remember that the less you act like you are the center of the universe the more we will treat you like you actually are. We adore our regulars we like watching your kids grow and hearing about your life. We understand that sometimes you have rough days too but remember we're human and we'll forgive the small stuff. Also never feel like we don't want to help you. We do if you stay nice and try to remember that we have other people to help as well. I hope that you all think and take a breath next time something upsets you at a store. We truly do adore most of our customers and we know that you are crucial to our jobs. Please remember that we are also a crucial part of your lives because unless you make your own clothes and raise all your own food then you probably need us too. :)

How to do everything wrong at Self Checkout.

I have some tips if you want to drive your self checkout person bananas.

1. bring your own bags but don't push the I brought my own bags button and then sigh loudly when the scale alarms. (we love that)

2. With every single item push skip bagging and then immediately bag the item and again sigh loudly and stare when the scale alarm goes off.

3. If you have a question wait until they help another customer and then stand there saying excuse me I need help. Mam Hello? and pretend that you are the only one there and they aren't monitoring 6-7 transactions at once.

4. If you make a mistake act like it's the machine's fault or even better somehow the self checkout person's fault. because they just call it self checkout so you can blame anyone but yourself for all mistakes.

5. Ask the self checkout person for every single produce code because you're clearly to important to look it up like everyone else.

7. Walk up and say "I don't know how to use these but the lines are long can you just do it for me?" because again you are the most important person in the world and the self checkout person is clearly an octopus with the ability to just ring everyone up at once. Just ignore the "self" part of self checkout.

And when all else fails act like as big of a jerk as possible. be loud and selfish. OR if you want to be a good human being and don't want your self checkout person secretly daydreaming about an anvil dropping on you like in cartoons. Then maybe don't do any of these things. Keep in mind that they are dealing with several people at once and usually running the front end breaks and organizing who needs to be where on the front end. Please be nice. We have all been in a hurry before but no need to ruin someone else's day! Also if you make a mistake don't worry we are all aware the machines are nuts sometimes and nobody is judging you unless your rude and then we'll judge you  A LOT, Lol :)