Why Iron Man is my favorite superhero.

The simple answer would be that I am a geek. More specifically a Marvel geek. However most of my life Wolverine was my favorite because I wished I had his healing powers. I thought about how much more I could do if I was less sickly. Now as an adult, however, I relate way more to Iron Man. I'm not a rich playboy but I love that he has panic attacks even though he's a superhero whi shouldn't logically be afraid. That makes me feel better about when I'm freaking out about something others view as a non issue. Also he has horrible O.C.D. He can't be handed things unless its Pepper or Happy handing them to him. That's such a strange thing to be O.C.D about however so are most of my O.C.D triggers. I cannot handle a set of blinds being slightly skewed or one of them messed up. It drives me nuts and I must stop what I'm doing and fix the blinds. I feel like my problems can be so debilitating. Then I watch Iron Man and see all the amazing things Tony Stark accomplishes to spite his issues and it makes me happier to be me! Rant over carry on!

Happy Birthday Gramps

Today would have been my Gramp's birthday. We would have thrown him a birthday party. Luke and I would have invited him to the family picnic on Saturday. I think that is the hardest part about when someone you love passes and you have to go through all of their special days without them. I mean who wouldn't want to celebrate him. He was the most amazing man. He was the best Grandpa. He was my main father figure growing up and he rocked it. I still like when I shock my husband because I know how to do some random thing that my Gramps taught me when I was a tomboy. I was thinking this morning that I wish I had something that I did every year on his birthday to remember him. Then I thought about what I did today and I thought he'd be pretty okay with that. See, he loved taking care of the house and getting ready for family gatherings. He loved gardening together. and if he would have lived to meet her he would have loved KayCee and loved that I'm getting ready to have her on the farm. He would have loved the farm and seeing his little Punkin trying to remember how to be okay with having to get dirty. I try to think about what advice he would have when I'm having a rough day. Usually that reminds me to put things into perspective and do what I've got to do. The thing grandpa was best at was being a Grandpa and teaching us all the best lessons. He taught us that the best way to get what we want is to work hard for it. He taught us that if you work hard all day it can be very rewarding to fall asleep in the chair watching T.V. but the most important lesson that he taught us was caring about others and helping anyone if you have the power to do so. I always worry that as the years go by I might forget what his voice sounded like or forget how wonderful his bear hugs were. But I don't think I could ever forget anything about my hero. I miss you Gramps. Happy Birthday!

Allergies, can't leave home without them

Anytime I talk to people about my allergies they always say how much it must suck to not be able to eat chocolate or nuts or to not be able to pick all the beautiful flowers we have on the farm. Yes, all those things do suck but honestly I don't really mind too much that I can't eat chocolate or nuts or whole grain. I don't even mind so much having to avoid the beautiful flowers. What I really hate about my allergies is that I can't snuggle my cats or any long haired dogs without hives. I hate that I can never leave the house without my inhaler, benadryl, or my epi pen. I can't just try new things anymore. I have to be fully prepared at all times to fix any allergic reaction that might occur. I was lucky as a kid I was only allergic to dairy and chocolate. That didn't really have a huge affect on my life. My brothers got a chocolate candy bar I'd get nerds. That was about the extent of it. I could still run around outside and play. I could still ride bikes and make mud-pies and play with snakes. I never thought about my allergies. I miss that but I'm also thankful that I had that. Some kids are born with really bad allergies. Some kids never get to do that stuff. I'm 31 now and I don't need to be playing in the grass. What I do need is to be able to keep my pets around me without taking medications. I need to be able to just run out of the house with my wallet and keys and not a huge diaper bag like purse. I need to not be known as the girl that gets sick so easily or the girl with the bad  lungs or the girl who is allergic to life. I need to be able to be me and have fun. So allergies if you could kindly vacate the premises I would appreciate it!

Progress Report.

So I'm on the road to getting approved for Gastric Sleeve surgery. I have met my doctor, gone to both informational classes and met with my dietician. My goals set by the dietician were to Stop drinking juice and drink less soda. I quit both. The idea is no liquid calories. I'm now a water only girl! I was also told to practice eating slower and chewing very well. I have mastered both of these. I put my fork down in between bites and I chew everything to the consistency of applesauce. The last goal has been the hardest for me. I have to slowly work towards not drinking anything 30 minutes before a meal or for an hour after. I have been not drinking anything with breakfast or lunch but I'm still working on dinner. And I have to get more time between drinking and eating. I am so determined to have this surgery. I cannot wait to start this new chapter in life. It will be a challenge but I am so ready for it. Next step is psychologist clearing me and new dietician goals at my next appt. Fingers crossed with all of this prep I will hopefully have surgery in a couple of months!

The Fault in Our Stars.

This book was one that I knew I wanted to read. I also knew that it would bother me since I come from a cancer ridden family. I'll try for no spoilers but this book has a sad ending not like OMG I hate the way that ended. Which was how I felt about the Divergent trilogy. This ending is sad but the journey to the ending is so beautiful. I have seen some online reviews where people said they find the characters unreletable. I personally found them very relate able. I think people who can't relate to Hazel Grace or Gus have maybe just not been around any awesome sarcastic people. You should definitely read this book it is one that I can't think of anyone I know who would not benefit from reading it. I know that sounds strange but it's true I think there is something positive that everyone could take from this book. I love Hazel Grace because we both say, "My lungs suck at being lungs" Although hers is no doubt more severe then mine. I saw the movie and I am a harsh critic of movies made from books because I am most definitely a book reader more then a movie fan. The movie was great it captured the characters well. I loved it and will be buying it on Dvd when it comes out. That being said there were minor differences that I noticed. The egg scene at Monica's house is much funnier in the book but I loved the movie almost as much as the book so please if you haven't already, Read the book, and then watch the movie!!! You won't regret it!

Why I don't smoke.

I know that lots of people smoke and this blog is not meant to offend anyone who does smoke. I'm just sharing the reasons why I choose not to.

- No regrets. I try to live my life with as few regrets as I can. I don't want to be old and wishing things we're different. Now have you ever met a smoker who says I'm so glad I smoke I will never regret this.  Or have you ever seen an old person on their deathbed say I wish I had smoked more. Nope probably not.

- I don't like to go along with things just to fit in. So the peer pressure to smoke thing isn't a valid reason for me because I didn't want to be a sheep following the herd of others. Especially when they were doing something to shorten their lifespan.

- I have bad lungs. I've had pneumonia over 20 times in my life. Starting at a young age. Then in my twenties I developed asthma. So if I have lungs who are already struggling to do their job I'm not gonna poison them while they are doing it.

- I wanted to prove that you can fit in and have a fun and normal life without smoking. I have many friends who smoke and other then me figuring out where to stand so the wind doesn't blow smoke in my face it has always been a non issue.

- The most important reason that I don't smoke is that I love my friends and family and if I died young because of something I chose to do. That would be like me choosing to put them through that pain. I've lost too many people I love to ever put them through that.

I know it's easy for me to say because I never started smoking. Which is true it's so hard to quit but if you could inspire your children to never start in the first place, wouldn't you? I never smoked because I never wanted to have to try and quit. And because I've lost and almost lost several family members to cancer. Some to lung cancer. So I choose to try to live as long as God will let me!

Just keep swimming!

So the last year has been a rough one for my husband and I. He lost his job and has yet to find a new one. We lost his grandpa. I had another cancer scare with my uterus. But through all of this we come home every night and we spend a little time together and we unwind. We try and succeed most days in finding the bright spots. We laugh at our cats and dogs doing silly things. We can't pay our cable bill but we have spent more time reading to each other! We have had fun catching up on shows we used to watch by watching them online. We spend more time outside. We have also had to sell several things we own. But our house is getting less cluttered and we're realizing that we don't need cable or things when we have us. I used to worry that if I got married I'd run out of things to talk about with my husband. That has never once happened mostly because there is always some animal that I am trying to convince him that we need on the farm. Last night I tried to convince him that we needed a bunch of prairie dogs. I lost. The point of all this rambling is that even when times are hard. You have to just keep swimming. Look at the bright side. There is almost always a bright side. Every day is a gift from God. Try to treat it like that!