Okay, so this is something I get asked on a regular basis and I don't know how I feel about that. Yes I'm 31 and by my age most people have at least one kid if they are going to have kids but that's not my path. Trust me I want kids. I want to have tons of little babies but I'm not willing to do so until my health is good enough that my OB feels I could have a fairly normal pregnancy. I know that everyone says there is no perfect time for kids, but I refuse to have my health issues affect the life of my future children. So the plan is have the surgery, lose the weight, and about a year after start trying for kids. I'm not much of a planner so this is more of a just optimistic outline.
Now why does everyone assume I'm a mom other then my age? I know that my whole life I've been told I'd make a good mom one day. So, maybe I just give off maternal vibes? Also, I have my "part time kiddo" Which is my best friend's daughter and we are very close. I've been her other mommy most of her life. I'm also the mother to my Zoo, I have 36 pets who I consider my babies. Some people think that is nuts but I adore my adopted babies.
So why does it bother me when people assume I'm a mom? It's a great thing to be. I hope to be a mom in a few years. But a little part of me always feels that I'm being judged. Yes it is partially my choice that I don't have kids yet. Yes my husband wants kids more then anything but is it so bad to want the best for them? My mother has always blamed herself for any health problems I or my brothers have. She always wonders if we have poor health because of something she did. (She did nothing wrong while pregnant she's just a worrier) I don't want to wonder that about my kids. I mean I know for a fact that any child I have has a good chance of having at least one allergy. I know that they have a chance of having my fair skin and hives in the sun. I know they could get my hypermobility and sprain things a lot. I just don't want to add to that list,So even though I'm not a mommy yet. I can't wait to be one but I shall do it safely!
Am I weird for worrying about what people think on this subject?
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Dear Brittany Maynard
Dear Brittany,
I am writing this to thank you. You dear sweet girl are facing the most terrifying thing I can imagine. I have no clue how you must feel. But I hope part of how you feel is proud of yourself. I have always lived here in Oregon so I have given little thought to the death with dignity law. It has always been something that was just a given to me. Selfishly, I never thought about people in other states that don't have this law and you, Brittany, have made me think about it. I hope that you know that I think you are truly one of the most brave people I've ever heard about. You are a soldier fighting a battle you know you can't win but you continue fighting so the battle can end on your terms. That is amazing. I want to thank you, not just for raising awareness for this cause but also for making the world a better place and me a better person. No, we have never met but still you are impacting my life. Reading your story I saw your age and thought, "Wow, she's even younger then I am." I read what all you have done and thought, "I need more adventure." I read how you have only been married a short time, and it made me more thankful for every moment I get with my husband. I see how you want to spend your last days and I just want to hug my family. I think that your affect on people is far more then you could ever grasp. I think that spending even a second doing anything but whatever you want is so selfless because you have so few moments left. Look at you and the time you are spending to raise awareness. It makes anyone who says they don't have time to do good deeds seem ridiculous. Please know that you have so many people praying for you and your family and friends. I pray that you have a smooth passage. When you get to Heaven maybe God will show you how much good you have done. I promise to pay more attention to issues that may not affect me or my family. I promise to cherish my moments more and I promise to remember you! You are truly a hero. You're in my thoughts and prayers! I hope to be even half the blessing you have been to this world. I wish you a calm, safe, comforting passage!
-Tuffy
For anyone who hasn't heard of Brittany Maynard her website is www.thebrittanyfund.org You can learn about her journey, donate, and sign her birthday card!
P.S. Brittany Happy Birthday!
I am writing this to thank you. You dear sweet girl are facing the most terrifying thing I can imagine. I have no clue how you must feel. But I hope part of how you feel is proud of yourself. I have always lived here in Oregon so I have given little thought to the death with dignity law. It has always been something that was just a given to me. Selfishly, I never thought about people in other states that don't have this law and you, Brittany, have made me think about it. I hope that you know that I think you are truly one of the most brave people I've ever heard about. You are a soldier fighting a battle you know you can't win but you continue fighting so the battle can end on your terms. That is amazing. I want to thank you, not just for raising awareness for this cause but also for making the world a better place and me a better person. No, we have never met but still you are impacting my life. Reading your story I saw your age and thought, "Wow, she's even younger then I am." I read what all you have done and thought, "I need more adventure." I read how you have only been married a short time, and it made me more thankful for every moment I get with my husband. I see how you want to spend your last days and I just want to hug my family. I think that your affect on people is far more then you could ever grasp. I think that spending even a second doing anything but whatever you want is so selfless because you have so few moments left. Look at you and the time you are spending to raise awareness. It makes anyone who says they don't have time to do good deeds seem ridiculous. Please know that you have so many people praying for you and your family and friends. I pray that you have a smooth passage. When you get to Heaven maybe God will show you how much good you have done. I promise to pay more attention to issues that may not affect me or my family. I promise to cherish my moments more and I promise to remember you! You are truly a hero. You're in my thoughts and prayers! I hope to be even half the blessing you have been to this world. I wish you a calm, safe, comforting passage!
-Tuffy
For anyone who hasn't heard of Brittany Maynard her website is www.thebrittanyfund.org You can learn about her journey, donate, and sign her birthday card!
P.S. Brittany Happy Birthday!
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Raising Animals.
So, many people who know me know that I would probably be willing to raise any kind of animal except eels or ants. But even ruling them out could be an overreaction. See I have always had a fear of birds. Mostly geese and chickens. But penguins were always the exception. So then I thought to myself that if penguins are okay then maybe ducks are too. Then I fell in love with ducks and now I own 7 ducks, 5 chickens, 2 dogs, 3 cats, 20 cows. So you would think that I'll just take care of any animal that I encounter but that is also not true.
Before I got my first dog, Fubu, I researched Pugs, and health problems they can have and how much of a financial investment they can be. I looked up how much space and walking they need. I looked for what their average lifespan is, everything. I still do this with every animal I get I research as much as I can until I feel comfortable that I am familiar with their particular needs. At the time I got Fubu I had already had several family dogs and I worked in a dog grooming van. I wasn't a dog newbie. But I feel like it's your job do research an animal before you decide to be responsible for it's life and well-being.
So although it may seem like an all of the sudden snap decision to some people that I got chickens. It wasn't I had been discussing it with my husband for about 3 years. We discussed where we would keep them who would care for them if we went on vacation. How I would deal with my fear of the chickens. We knew that I would have to get babies and raise them from that age so that I would get attached before their pecking could do any damage. We knew that we wanted to raise chickens for eggs and not for meat as I can't handle eating something I raised very well yet. (I do eat our beef but I eat much less beef now that I raise them and I can't think about which cow I'm eating because it breaks my heart.) We researched what kinds of chickens we want. I have watched videos on other peoples nesting boxes. We knew how much it costs to feed and care for them. All of that. So it was in no way a snap decision. I did indeed see chicks in the feed store and decide that was the day I was going to get chicks but I still went home and slept on it and got chicks the next day.
This may seem like common sense to a lot of people but there is a disturbing number of people out there who just get something cause it's cute and learn how to care for it later. That to me is the epitome of irresponsibility. I can't imagine not knowing how to care for something before you get it. It's a tiny little life you are now responsible for and just like with children, you don't just need to keep them alive but you need to make sure they turn out good. I raised Sasha our lab/elkhound mix from a pup and I didn't need to just keep her alive, I had to make sure she knew not to nibble on peoples hands and how to go potty outside. I had to teach her how to walk on and off the leash. She has cute tricks she does like tucking me into bed and shaking, that weren't necessary but people think it's cute. It was a lot of hard work to turn her into the dog she is today. But she is a great dog now.
Some people think of animals more like decorations then living beings. You don't buy a dog to let it just be out for decoration. They have feelings and needs too. So before you go buy a bunny for your kid for Easter or a chicken for eggs or even a dog or cat. Please make sure you know not only how to keep it alive but also how to raise it and love it!
Before I got my first dog, Fubu, I researched Pugs, and health problems they can have and how much of a financial investment they can be. I looked up how much space and walking they need. I looked for what their average lifespan is, everything. I still do this with every animal I get I research as much as I can until I feel comfortable that I am familiar with their particular needs. At the time I got Fubu I had already had several family dogs and I worked in a dog grooming van. I wasn't a dog newbie. But I feel like it's your job do research an animal before you decide to be responsible for it's life and well-being.
So although it may seem like an all of the sudden snap decision to some people that I got chickens. It wasn't I had been discussing it with my husband for about 3 years. We discussed where we would keep them who would care for them if we went on vacation. How I would deal with my fear of the chickens. We knew that I would have to get babies and raise them from that age so that I would get attached before their pecking could do any damage. We knew that we wanted to raise chickens for eggs and not for meat as I can't handle eating something I raised very well yet. (I do eat our beef but I eat much less beef now that I raise them and I can't think about which cow I'm eating because it breaks my heart.) We researched what kinds of chickens we want. I have watched videos on other peoples nesting boxes. We knew how much it costs to feed and care for them. All of that. So it was in no way a snap decision. I did indeed see chicks in the feed store and decide that was the day I was going to get chicks but I still went home and slept on it and got chicks the next day.
This may seem like common sense to a lot of people but there is a disturbing number of people out there who just get something cause it's cute and learn how to care for it later. That to me is the epitome of irresponsibility. I can't imagine not knowing how to care for something before you get it. It's a tiny little life you are now responsible for and just like with children, you don't just need to keep them alive but you need to make sure they turn out good. I raised Sasha our lab/elkhound mix from a pup and I didn't need to just keep her alive, I had to make sure she knew not to nibble on peoples hands and how to go potty outside. I had to teach her how to walk on and off the leash. She has cute tricks she does like tucking me into bed and shaking, that weren't necessary but people think it's cute. It was a lot of hard work to turn her into the dog she is today. But she is a great dog now.
Some people think of animals more like decorations then living beings. You don't buy a dog to let it just be out for decoration. They have feelings and needs too. So before you go buy a bunny for your kid for Easter or a chicken for eggs or even a dog or cat. Please make sure you know not only how to keep it alive but also how to raise it and love it!
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Loosing friends
This is something we all go through at some point in our lives. People grow apart, people change, people find out things they don't like in other people. It happens. It is however, never easy, at least in my experience. I have recently had a person who decided she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Which is fine. Honestly her reasoning was mostly that she doesn't enjoy having anyone around her who doesn't share her exact political views. Also fine. We have known each other about 7 years, but we have never been super close. It's no great loss to my life. However, she is engaged to someone who I have been friends with since high school. This person was very important to me. We were at one point very close friends. I am the one who chose to end this friendship for a few reasons. One I came to the realization that I was doing most of the work maintaining our friendship which isn't cool. I deserve the occasional text or message just to say hi. Also I have been hated by most of his girlfriends. This one I had hoped would be different as she and I were friends way before the two of them met. But she unfortunately just used this to try to find out everything about all his past relationships which she should ask him in my opinion not me. But he was a person I thought I would always be friends with. He's the one who comforted me when I found out a close family member had cancer for the third time. He was there for me when my favorite great aunt died. I thought we would always be friends. That is pretty heartbreaking to realize that it's gone.
But I have decided not to focus on what I lost. One great friend and one fake friend. I chose to focus on what I have. Which is several lifetime friends. I have other friends who are there for me in the rough times now. I have people who were supportive when I had my cancer scare and these two people weren't in that group. I have an amazing best friend and her whole family has adopted my whole family into their lives. That's pretty amazing. I have an amazing husband who is a better friend to me then anyone else has ever been. So as much as it sucks growing apart from someone. It must be in God's plan and since he can see the big picture and I can't I choose not to be miserable and dwell on this sad thing but rather to spend that time being thankful for all the amazing friends I do have. I have so many friends who are truly happy to be a part of my life I'm not going to mourn over people who chose not to bother. If I'm not good enough for them then they can move along because I'm good enough for me, my family, and my real friends. You all rock!
But I have decided not to focus on what I lost. One great friend and one fake friend. I chose to focus on what I have. Which is several lifetime friends. I have other friends who are there for me in the rough times now. I have people who were supportive when I had my cancer scare and these two people weren't in that group. I have an amazing best friend and her whole family has adopted my whole family into their lives. That's pretty amazing. I have an amazing husband who is a better friend to me then anyone else has ever been. So as much as it sucks growing apart from someone. It must be in God's plan and since he can see the big picture and I can't I choose not to be miserable and dwell on this sad thing but rather to spend that time being thankful for all the amazing friends I do have. I have so many friends who are truly happy to be a part of my life I'm not going to mourn over people who chose not to bother. If I'm not good enough for them then they can move along because I'm good enough for me, my family, and my real friends. You all rock!
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Honestly....
I was thinking today. Why is honesty so difficult for some people? I kind of understand a little white lie to spare someones feelings although, I prefer honesty to that most of the time. But some people it appears to just be their nature to lie. I can't imagine how exhausting that must be. If you are honest you don't have to remember all the lies you told. The truth is the easiest thing to remember. Do some parents honestly teach their kids to be dishonest? Maybe if they are too strict it would make a kid feel like they have to hide everything. I just don't get it.
When I was a kid my mom always told us we would be in more trouble if we lied then if we just tell her exactly what we did when we misbehaved. She always said she hates nothing more then liars and that honesty should be our go to response. So now I'm 31. I have lied before I'm not a saint. My husband seems to think I lie about not being in pain a lot when I am but I just know he can't do anything to remove the pain so why say it? How did your parents teach you honesty? How honest do you think you are?
Try to be honest with everyone including yourself. I have recently lost a friend I told myself she was just having one of her moods and that we would be friends again soon. We texted a few days ago and we were very cordial but if I'm honest with myself then I have to admit that I can't forget how she treated me and I honestly don't believe we will be friends again ever. But maybe if I'm honest she never was a real friend. and I don't need two faced people in my life. or in her case 78 faced people. I wish people would just tell me the truth always it really does set you free!
When I was a kid my mom always told us we would be in more trouble if we lied then if we just tell her exactly what we did when we misbehaved. She always said she hates nothing more then liars and that honesty should be our go to response. So now I'm 31. I have lied before I'm not a saint. My husband seems to think I lie about not being in pain a lot when I am but I just know he can't do anything to remove the pain so why say it? How did your parents teach you honesty? How honest do you think you are?
Try to be honest with everyone including yourself. I have recently lost a friend I told myself she was just having one of her moods and that we would be friends again soon. We texted a few days ago and we were very cordial but if I'm honest with myself then I have to admit that I can't forget how she treated me and I honestly don't believe we will be friends again ever. But maybe if I'm honest she never was a real friend. and I don't need two faced people in my life. or in her case 78 faced people. I wish people would just tell me the truth always it really does set you free!
Monday, September 29, 2014
To my dear sweet Godniece
Hello beautiful, there are some things I believe you should know. Number one I love you so much from the day you were born I have loved you. Even though I have never met your father and I've always liked your mother, I love both of your parents because they made you!
I think one of my first memories of you was babysitting you and your step sister M. And neither one of you ever wanted me to set you down. I remember my mom thinking you were hysterically crying because you wanted a teddybear. Then you yelling out no I want my tuttybear. Me, I have loved you from the minute we met and I think that love was mutual.
So, please forgive me if I go all lame adult on you. Because I can't believe this precious baby that I took to see fireworks, is now a teenager who has teenage issues. I will always be thrilled when you message me. And at least for the next year or so I will be weirded out when giving you boy advice. I'm allowed that I changed your diapers. Lol.
I am so proud that I had even a tiny part in watching you my beautiful girl growing up. I will always be here for you. I will always love you and miss you when you're miles away. So I wrote this to let you know how loved you are and what a blessing you have been to my life! Your Aunt Tutty will love you forever dear one!!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Welcome Fall!!!!
Today is officially the first day of fall! You would think that being a summer person I would not be happy. However, I feel like I have to have all the other seasons to enjoy summer as much as I do and lets face it being allergic to the sun life will be a bit easier in Autumn!
I will miss the summer but I am so looking forward to fall because I love the smell after the first rain! I love the smell of Halloween! I love Halloween! I love Thanksgiving. I love watching all the leaves turn. I love that I can bundle up in all my warm layers and not be looked at like I'm crazy. (cause I still bundle up in summer a lot) I love that I get to watch my Ducks splash around in puddles and my crazy Lab chase after them. I love that the cats stay indoors and snuggle more. I love that I can drink herbal tea without getting overly warm! I just love the fall!
One of the best things about living in Oregon is we have everything. We have very defined seasons. It gets pretty hot in the summer and fairly cold in the winter (although our winters are mild enough where I live that people are still horrible at driving in it because they rarely have to) I love that in Oregon we have mountains, beaches, forests, and deserts. It's just sort of awesome here! I'm sure by about November I will be missing sunshine again but for right now I'm enjoying the rain and overcast days! I like having an excuse to stay inside and read cause I'm lame like that! Happy first day of fall!
I will miss the summer but I am so looking forward to fall because I love the smell after the first rain! I love the smell of Halloween! I love Halloween! I love Thanksgiving. I love watching all the leaves turn. I love that I can bundle up in all my warm layers and not be looked at like I'm crazy. (cause I still bundle up in summer a lot) I love that I get to watch my Ducks splash around in puddles and my crazy Lab chase after them. I love that the cats stay indoors and snuggle more. I love that I can drink herbal tea without getting overly warm! I just love the fall!
One of the best things about living in Oregon is we have everything. We have very defined seasons. It gets pretty hot in the summer and fairly cold in the winter (although our winters are mild enough where I live that people are still horrible at driving in it because they rarely have to) I love that in Oregon we have mountains, beaches, forests, and deserts. It's just sort of awesome here! I'm sure by about November I will be missing sunshine again but for right now I'm enjoying the rain and overcast days! I like having an excuse to stay inside and read cause I'm lame like that! Happy first day of fall!
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