Coping

I am in general a very empathetic person. Because of this I have been having a rough week because someone I didn't know took her life. I know many people who cared about her. She was only 15. I cannot imagine what her family is going through. I have had two people close to me take their lives. The first was my adopted brother. The second was a friend and co-worker. I remember feeling like life had stopped. I felt like why is everyone just going on with their daily lives when clearly the world is broken. Death in general is hard. I'm not going to say that it's harder when it's suicide.(I have never had a harder time with anything in my life then when my gramps died of natural causes.) But it is a very different thing when a loved one chooses to take their life. I feel so much for people who have to deal with this horrible thing. They will all go through horrible grief that no matter what anyone does we can't ease there hurting. I wish so badly that I could take their pain away and I find myself saying all the things that everyone said to me like, " I'm so sorry" or "If you need anything call me." I know that I can't change anything or make their pain go away but I feel like I have to let them know that I care. With this type of situation there is almost always someone who says something horribly insensitive. Even with the best intentions there is always someone who comes along with no filter and says something awful. I wish so badly that I could prevent anyone from having to feel this. I would do anything to have taken the pain away from my mom and other brothers and friends from when we lost my brother. I wish he wouldn't have chosen to leave us. I wish I could have stopped him. It's been over a decade since I lost my brother and I always wonder what he would be like now. Would he have kids? A dog? Would he still be into the same things he was? How would I or my brothers be different if we still had him? It has gotten easier as the years passed. I never thought it would but it has. Good memories outweigh the bad. It still stings when I think about the funeral or the day we found out but I just try to refocus on good memories happy times or even when we teased each other like brothers and sisters so often do. I never thought at the time those would turn into fond memories but there was love under all of that teasing. I miss all the people I've lost in my life no matter how they went and I will pray both for this family who lost such a precious girl and for those who ever contemplate taking their lives. I hope with all my heart that they can find hope and live! Hug your loved ones. Pray for those who are filled with despair.