Update

So it's been a couple of weeks since my husband and I lost his grandpa. The things that have been hitting us recently are little silly things. It feels weird to cook for just 2 people. It feels weird to shop for groceries and not buy his bricks of cheese and his coffee. Last night my husband and I just sat in the doorway to his room and finally let ourselves feel the overwhelming grief. We both have been feeling guilty for enjoying our one on one time. I know we shouldn't but we have been taking care of one person or another for most of our marriage. I think we forgot how much we enjoyed spending time alone together. Even typing that makes me feel guilty. Don't get me wrong I would give anything to have grandpa back here with us. I keep finding myself saying when grandpa gets back..... Because I think my subconscious has him just on a fishing trip in my mind. I wish he were just on a fishing trip. I miss him like crazy. I miss him when I come home from work and I have nobody asking me how my day was. I miss him when the dogs are running around like loons and there is no grandpa there threatening to ear mark and brand them and bob off their tails. I miss him when I sit at the dining room table and he's not at the head of the table. I miss his old war stories. It's so strange that just a few weeks ago was Christmas and I sat with him after Christmas and listened to all the stories he had remembered through talking to family that day. I just miss him and every time I smile since he passed I feel guilty for being happy. I hope that my husband and I can learn to enjoy living just us together without guilt. I would give anything for a big grandpa hug right about now.